I Drew a Bottle of Whiskey

Draw Your Boss. The drawings on this site are uniformly excellent. Not necessarily in artistic quality or humor, but--well, you'll see. Just a few of the great ones: #41, 61, 69. (link from LYD)

Netscape's 10 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Fired

5. Be disrespectful or politically incorrect in the workplace. Political correctness is a hot topic in today's modern workplace, and most companies have zero tolerance for offensive remarks and actions. If you've got a humdinger of a joke but it's just a bit offensive, it's best to leave it home and opt for a simple knock-knock.

EMPLOYEE1: Knock-knock!
EMPLOYEE2: Who's there?
EMPLOYEE1: Banana!
EMPLOYEE2: Banana who?
EMPLOYEE1: Banana banana fo fana. Fe fi fo fana. Banana nana be bo banana!
EMPLOYEE2: Aren't Jewish people supposed to be funny?
JEWISH EMPLOYEE1: I can't believe you said that. Aren't you afraid that if you do something bad, Vishnu will give you twenty middle fingers?
INDIAN EMPLOYEE2: For one, Vishnu has four arms, not twenty. Of course, no one here expects you to know anything about religion.
ATHEIST JEWISH EMPLOYEE1: What's that supposed to mean?
INDIAN RELIGIOUS PERSON WHO PROFESSES TOLERANCE BUT SECRETLY HATES ATHEISTS EMPLOYEE2: Nothing.
IRRITATED ATHEIST JEWISH EMPLOYEE: You have something to say? Say it. I have something to say about you too. Or should I say, you two.
INDIAN RELIGIOUS PERSON WHO PROFESSES TOLERANCE BUT SECRETLY HATES ATHEISTS, ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, WHO KNOWS ABOUT HIS AFFAIR WITH THE BOSS'S HUSBAND EMPLOYEE: You carrot-munching bastard. You wouldn't.
IRRITATED ATHEIST JEWISH VEGETARIAN EMPLOYEE: It would be a terrible way for her to find out her husband is gay.
GAY INDIAN RELIGIOUS PERSON WHO PROFESSES TOLERANCE BUT SECRETLY HATES ATHEISTS, ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, WHO KNOWS ABOUT HIS AFFAIR WITH THE BOSS'S HUSBAND EMPLOYEE: ...Your slip is showing.
IRRITATED ATHEIST JEWISH VEGETARIAN EMPLOYEE WHO IS EXTRA IRRITATED BECAUSE HIS COWORKER JUST FOUND OUT HE'S A CROSSDRESSER: My...? Oh, god. Truce?
INDIAN EMPLOYEE2: That would be acceptable.
JEWISH EMPLOYEE1: Sorry about the comments I made about your religion.
EMPLOYEE2: And I apologize about the stereotype I made about Jewish people.
EMPLOYEE1: Okay. Well, see you at lunch.
EMPLOYEE WHO WILL AVOID EMPLOYEE AT LUNCH FOR THE NEXT WEEK: Of course. See you there.

Either, Or

From a job ad on craigslist:

"I need 3-4 female models to help represent my company at the Baltimore, Dulles and Washington Home shows.

Ideally you have owned a home and participated in a home remodeling project with a story to tell. Or, you have acting skills and can think fast on your feet."

About the lack of comedy recently

It's due to a mix of motivation and being busier than usual. I've spent most of my creative energies the past several days on a small freelance assignment. I'll tell you what it is once it gets approved.

TGIM

I've been unemployed so long that it has made it difficult for me to relate to people.

FRIEND: "You know how alive you feel after a few cups of coffee on Monday, but as the week goes on, stress crawls over your brain and leeches the color out of your soul. Work attaches a leash to your mind, limiting where it strays. Geniality shrivels to forced smiles, the voices of your coworkers dance around your head like harpies, and by Friday, a voice you stopped listening to on Wednesday begs: "Please. Please. I want to go home."
ME: "No. I'm already home."
FRIEND: "...Do you want to see the They Might Be Giants this weekend? Tickets are only $35."
ME: "Jackass."

Mid-afternoon Wake-up Music

Presenting...the unemployed person's theme song.