Yay for Yoono!

Yoono was exactly what I was looking for in an Internet media sharing site. I love it so far. Almost every day I see an interesting article or blog post that I want to share, but the extra step of creating a blog post to do so was enough to deter me. Yoono makes it very easy to impulsively share media on the web. You right-click or select what you want to share, select "Buzz it", type in a descriptive note if you want to, and that's pretty much it.

Here is my Yoono blog. I will add it to my sidebar soon, and likely post most of my links on here from now on. I already added a few if you want to check it out.

This is the first time in a while that I thought, "I wish there a program that did X" and found out that Program X actually exists.

Recommendation Request

What's the best way to share the interesting things you find on the Internet?

I'm looking for a cool stuff aggregater, something that would be integrated with Firefox, allow me to add bookmarks with one click (like del.icio.us), allow me to write a description when I want to (kind of like del.icio.us), offers a recently bookmark feature that I can add to my blog page (like del.icio.us?)...

Okay, I'm going to give del.icio.us another try and see if it has what I need. I remember trying it and not being keen on the interface, so if you have another option, let me know.

Update: Yeah, del.icio.us isn't what I need. I think I found the perfect web app: Yoono. Just installed it, but it's very promising so far.

Yahoo Does It Again

With bonus "Are your friends making you fat?" (Yes!)

Gmail Trivia

I had no idea: Gmail doesn't recognize dots in an email address. Yourname@gmail.com is functionally the same as Y.o.u.r...n.a.m.e@gmail.com .

No, Really

"Nerdcore hip hop, or geeksta rap, is a subgenre of hip hop music that is performed by nerds or geeks, and is characterized by themes and subject matter considered to be of general interest to nerds."

The above quote is both why I love and hate Wikipedia.

I Got Me In'Net!

The DSL service was activated earlier than I expected. Remember when I said in my last post how it was nice to be without Internet access? I lied. That was just to trick the Access Gods. IT WAS HORRIBLE. I spent hours each day, staring at a blank monitor, clicking my mouse like a puppy locked outside a house and pawing a frost-covered window.

The experience did give me valuable insight, thought, that will come in handy if I ever decide to live like a half-naked barbarian.

I missed you SO much Internet. This was the first time in years we were away from each other for more than a week. It was a difficult time. I admit, at times, I thought about having a fling with a trampy dial-up connection. Just for a day or two. But I held strong, and can still make up and respect myself when I look in the mirror. Which I won't be doing much of now, along with shopping, visiting art galleries, or frankly, leaving the house at all.

We have a lot of catching up to do, but once we're done reconnecting, I'll be back to my regular schedule of posting twice a month.

Get Your Very Own PS3

This is funny.

Edit: Well, that was quick. EBay already took the auction down. It was for a PlayStation 3...made out of a PlayStation 1 and PlayStation 2 duck-taped together.

The Internet TV Archive

It's called "TV Links", but I like my name better. Lends a sense of grandeur.

It's a hodgepodge of links to TV shows online. Most the shows are currently running or have recently aired, but there are some links to some ancient oddballs too. Like Legend of Zelda: The Animation Series. (Actual line from show: "LINK: Well, excuuuuuuse me, princess.")

OMG!!! INTERNET GAMBLING BANNED!

Except that it hasn't been.

Last week, Sen. Frist attached the "Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act" to a port security bill at the last minute. The act was allowed to be attached to the bill late at night on a voice vote, and the port security bill was signed into law by President Bush on Friday.

While there are literally millions of Americans that play poker online, I suspect the media initially picked up the story because of the economic ramifications. Online gambling is taxed and regulated in the U.K. and most of Europe. Poker company stocks traded overseas lost around 60% of their price and billions of dollars in market value.

Money is a great quality for any story. It's one of the Three Media Musketeers, along with sex and violence. Now if only Rockstar Games could create a video game that allows you and a friend to bet on how quickly you can beat-up hookers. They wouldn't even need a clever name. They could just call it "Money-Hooker-Smash" and make a fortune.

The media's initial handling of the story made me realize how easy it is to fool editors. Although the act is named, "Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act" the act doesn't make it illegal to play poker online. It's still legal. The first 3/5 of the bill's title is a lie. The law makes it illegal for U.S. banks and credit card companies to directly transfer money to and from overseas online poker sites.

Yet the act's name says Unlawful, Internet, and Gambling, all in the same sentence. So, according to many news outlets: "Internet Gambling Made Illegal" (or, in a nod to nuance, "Internet Gambling Made Practically Illegal)"

Perhaps it's unfair to except accuracy immediately in a 24/7 news environment. Check 1: The words were in order. Check 2: Screw it. We got check 1.

If the act was titled, "Gambling Internet Unlawful Act Enforcement Poodle" and the AP ran a photo of a pink poodle in a cop uniform beating up a computer playing poker, then I'd have more of a case.

The arguments against online gambling are absolutely ridiculous and inconsistent with how we treat similar activities. If you can day trade from the privacy of your home for as much money and as long as you want, why can't you do the same with online poker? You can even play for much lower stacks online than live. The minimum stakes at a casino is usually $1/$2--every online site offers games for $.10/$.20.

Alcoholism is a terrible problem, but that doesn't mean we should ban alcohol. We tried that before. It's called...I forget. I had too much to drink tonight. But if our government isn't going to stop me from crashing my car into a 7-11 and run around the store naked with a Slurpee cup over my crotch, then it has no business trying to discourage people from gambling online.

Most arguments by poker players in support of online poker playing are sound, although some of them try too hard. My favorite is one I heard on a poker radio show: "By letting us gamble at home, it keeps us from driving drunk on the streets." Way to win the hearts and minds, guys.

There are a lot of interesting background nuggets about the situation.

* Sen. Frist's motivation. He has been continually pandering to the religious right to secure their support (and dollars) for his Presidential run. Remember Terry Schiavo?

* Anti-gambling groups have been trying to get a bill like this passed for years. One reason they haven't been able to up until now is because the now-disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff worked to prevent any anti-gambling ban that would hurt his clients, the Indian casinos. Abramoff's work tainted online gambling in a way. "If he defended it, then it must be bad."

* While the bill is difficult to enforce, and most poker players use third-party payment system already that aren't affected by the law, public online gambling firms have pulled out of the U.S. market, which is 1/2 of the total online market. The reason is that, as publicly-held companies, their operations and relationships with banks can't have any hint of illegality or being involved in a legal gray area.

* PartyGaming, a public company with a 50% market share in the U.S., has pulled out of the market, leaving a huge vacuum for private companies to seize.

* Most of poker's recent popularity has come from televised poker shows. These shows get a significant amount of revenue from online poker sites. It's unclear how many of these shows will survive now that some companies no longer operating in the U.S. has no reason to advertise in the country.

* There are a lot of angry, life-long Republicans who play poker and say they aren't voting Republican this year because of the bill. I don't think it will affect any elections though. There's a big online tournament on Voting Day.

McDonalds Sign

Create Your Own McDoanlds Sign (although warning: the site is annyoingly preachy.)

Google Humor

I just noticed that when I enter my spam folder in Gmail, the program displays ads for spam recipes (Vinegar Span Salad, Savory Spam Crescents...). No ads for Monty Python though.

Chuck Norris Facts

I actually have some material brewing around in my head, but I've been in a lazy mood recently.

Anyway, it's much easier to post links to other people's comedy.

Chuck Norris Facts

Hilarious.

"There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live."

Blix

I'm not saying this game is addictive. I'm just saying level 115 is a bitch.

Craigslist Ad Update

I got 10 responses so far, all of them of the type "I'm not a psychiatrist/obsessive-compulsive, but I am a clean person who is very interested in renting the place." Evidentally, the rent was too low for outrage.

The only mildly humorous response was this one:

"I don't quite suffer from obsessive complusive order but that is a plus for you. As a land lord if anything goes wrong obsessive complusives will call you all the time, trust me I lived with one."

Update 2:
I took the ad down. I was feeling guilty from the deluge of serious responses. I need more experience writing fake housing ads--I must have underpriced the rent by several hundred dollars. I have an idea for another fake ad, which I'll post in a few days, that will much more obviously be a joke.

Craigslist: Room for Rent

(original link here; loosely inspired by my Mom's experiences with renting.)

I have a one-story brick rambler with a large yard in Rockville, MD that is renting for $1,250, a great price for the area. The problem is, the past three tenants have been extremely messy and have not taken good care of the house, causing me thousands of dollars in repairs.

Are there any psychiatrists out there that have an obsessive-compulsive patient that is looking to rent in Rockville? The house has two baths, four bedrooms, W/D, AC, cable-ready, and is a five-minute walk to the Rockville Metro station. Your client can live in comfort and privacy and satisfy his need to clean at the same time. I am happy to provide cleaning supplies, as well as replace any doorknobs or hinges worn from excessive use.

I will give any licensed professional who makes a successful recommendation a $250 finder fee. I request that you only recommend clients who won't fully recover for at least 12 months. If you think your client will recover sooner, 9 months for example, maybe we can talk about ways to get the same results without pushing too hard on the gas pedal.

If you could mention this offer at your next visit with your client, I will greatly appreciate it. In a time where celebrities are attacking psychiatry (e.g. Tom Cruise), I think it’s important for psychiatrists to show that they are willing to go the extra mile for others.

--Sandy

See, Cats ARE Useful

Stuff on My Cat (Thanks, Amy)

Craigslist Fun

I saw an ad in the part-time job section of craigslist for NON-SEXUAL EXCORT SERVICE!!!

Pancake City Career Tip: If your profession requires the qualifier “non-sexual” for its want ads, it’s probably a good time to go on a date with a career counselor.

I was also browsing the housing listings because I may be moving soon. I have a weakness for reading the “Christian-only” ads, like this one:

“We are a household of secure, grounded Christian women who love the Lord and have iron-shapening-iron friendships, who are walking in obedience to the word of God. Most of us go to McLean Bible Church/Frontline. “

Now that’s some good iron. Iron so tough that not only can it form the basis of friendship, but that same iron can be used to clobber weaker, friendless iron into the shape of one’s choosing. Like an iron collar that you could use on an third, even weaker iron to make it your bitch. Or maybe an iron knife for Iron Chef. Or an iron iron, although it would be heavy and difficult to lift, unless you’re Iron Man (comic book character in the Silver Age of comics) or just want to display it on a pedestal as a piece of conceptual art.

Your hip friends will laugh at the irony.

Oh, Yahoo

A real-life conversation:

"Harold! What are you doing in there?"
"Nothing, hon."
"You locked the door."
"Hold on. I'll be out in a minute."
"You're look at porn again, aren't you? Answer me."
"No, of course not."
"You lying bastard! You told me you stopped. You..." [breaks down and sobs]
"Trust me. I'm not looking at porn."
"Oh, really? Then what are you looking at, Harold?"
"Uhhhhh...puppies."
"Puppies?"
"Yeah. Lots of cute puppies."
"You think I'm that stupid? You do, don't you? Well, that's it. I'm leaving, Harold. Goodbye." [door slams]
"Honey, wait! You don't understand. I'm using Yahoo Image Search. Yahoo Image Search! Oh, no. Curse ye, you hoards of delightfully cute puppies! What havoc have you wrought upon my soul?"

The Usual...?

I forgot the password to an online account that I haven't accessed in a few months. The site doesn't have an "Email me my password" option to users because of the security risk. Instead, they ask a question that you wrote when creating the account so you can identify yourself in cases like these.

My password hint is "The Usual." I typed in "The Usual." Not the words "The Usual," but the password I use for many of my accounts.

"The Usual" didn't work. Which is a problem because the site's security is so sophisticated, so clever, that it doesn't give you a chance to reset your password. A password on this site is not a combination of letters and numbers. It is the word of life, the hand that lifts one's account from the digital ether, giving purpose to the millions of electrons set in a chaotic sea of 1s and 0s. It is the Shepard to the sheep: you belong to this name, you exist for this name, this name is your owner, and today, little sheep, it needs to hear the harmonics of your cries.

In other words, this password is pretty fucking important.

So, taking a page from the "Hack Your Way To Success In Three Tries Or Less!" (by Jerry Bruckheimer*) I started guessing entering every word that is the usual in my life.
Frosted Flakes?
No.
Unemployed?
No.
Suspects? Nope.

I kept on guessing, but after the third try, I knew deep in my heart it was a lost cause. I had forgotten another password. Or, in other words, the usual.


*Microsoft Word recognizes the spelling of Bruckheimer. The thesaurus offers "brow beating" for one of the nearest choices by alphabetic order.

Already halfway around the Internet

Search for "miserable failure" in Google.

James Brown is the Godfather of...?

I stumbled upon a "Last 100 questions asked" page of a natural language search engine. A smattering:

* who is kane (followed a few questions later by) "who is kane the wrestler"
* What primary colors do you mix to make orange?
* (A funny question about porn there's no way I'm repeating)
* why does a cow produce white milk
* WHAT WORDS END IN GRY?
* Is Richard Stallman a dirty Gnu hippy ?
* Which president made the swivel chair?
* How can I determine the sex of my baby?
* Who invented the paper clip?
* What are some different sexual positions we can try?

What did Dennis Miller say about Rush Limbaugh?

Three ways to find this out:

1. Google search, hope you get lucky.

2. Buy Dennis Miller's books, skim through them until you find what you are looking for.

3. Search for 'Dennis Miller Rush Limbaugh" on Amazon.com. Because they made 120,000 of their books fully searchable.

I know I gush sometimes, but this is awesome. It's the equivalent for LexisNexis for books, except you don't have to pay hundreds of dollars to use it. You can find out how many books cite FDR's "You have nothing to fear..." quote or reference Hitler and Ghandi on the same page. Amazon lets you view two pages before and two pages after the reference. If you wanted to go through the trouble, you could read a chapter or two of a book by entering a new search every few pages.

Amazon, you rock. I haven't been this excited about a new search tool in a long time.

Wishful Thinking

It's too bad you can't use MapQuest to get out of a speeding ticket.

POLICE OFFICER: "Why the hell where you going 94 miles per hour?"
YOU: "MapQuest said I could get there in 14 minutes."
POLICE OFFICER: "Give me that." [snatches directions] "...What? It told you to take the Franklin Bridge? That's been shut down for repairs for the last two years."
YOU: "I know. I had to build up speed to jump over the gap."

Hey, Kids

Don't bother visiting Heineken's web site if you are under 21. You'll never make it through their impenetrable security procedure.

The Zen of Repair

My phone and DSL are back up. The phone repair guy came this morning, right after our water stopped working. I was hoping he was a Renaissance man and could flip his hat inside-out to the plumbing side, but he was a specialist. Everybody is a specialist nowadays.

Compared to my roommates, I have been inversely affected by our house troubles. I'm at home most of the day, so I was going crazy without the phone or Internet. My roommates have cell phones and Internet connection at work and school. On the other hand, I don't have to shower.

Perhaps I'll call the maintenance office to get our water fixed. Or perhaps I'll play computer games for the next few days. Who can tell what will happen in this crazy world?

Keep It Coming!

My DSL connection is still down. My phone, thinking this was some sort of technology fiesta, fried itself last night. I might as well stop shaving and become a hermit. Coincidentally, our phone stopped working after I called Verizon to see why they haven't fixed our Internet connection yet. I get the picture, Verizon. Take your time! Some problems take an hour to fix. Some take a month. To-ma-to, to-mat-o. Just leave the stereo alone.

If you need to contact me, shout loudly.

Poopy Internet

My internet connection has been down for the past few days. It's still down--I'm at the library. The delete key is disabled, thus stopping one of the biggest security holes in existence from being exploited by nefarious hackers. Fortunately, I cracked the system and found a "back door": the backspace key.

The man next to me is breathing very heavily.

Cybersquatter of the Day Update #3 (final)

The response...

"Wow, now that's a retirement letter!

We don't have any positions but keep in touch!"

I will Igotmail.net. I will.

Cybersquatter of the Day Update #2

I'm going to hell...I sent this email a few minutes ago (background here).

"TED LEONSIS IS A DICK!!!!

J. here again. I used my hotmail account so my boss wouldn’t find out my birthday surprise to the big guy. (The security department pervs here monitor all our email. One of the guys there is a real ASSAOLe: Always Ogling Ladies email.)

It turns out they were monitoring my Hotmail too! My boss gets my email to you guys and forwards it to Ted Leonsis (DICK!!!).

Then the dude calls me in his office! I’m expecting him to smack me down some happy rays for planning the surprise gift for him, But he looks all mad and constipated, like when the Caps lose. He says,

“Why were you planning on buying me, ‘www.igotmail.net’?”

“You know, cause it’s like ‘You got mail’ but better, because it’s you. I mean, I.”

He gets up and leans forward on his arms. “I make $55 million dollars a year. If I need a crappy domain name from a marginally talented ass-kisser, I’ll buy it myself.”

See? Complete DICK. He doesn’t even make sense. He can’t kiss his own ass.

If you’re wondering why I’m writing this at work from my hotmail account, it’s because I QUIT! Go ahead James, forward it to Mr. Leonsis. Forward it to the whole company. I don’t care. You’re worse than Sheryl and my good-for-nothing dog. And I slept with your wife.

LEONSIS, I hope Ollie the Goalie gets Colie Cancer.

So I guess I can’t buy the domain name, but I hope you have good luck selling it…TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WORK AT AOL.

Later,
Jason

P.S. Are you guys hiring? I’m really good at software programming. You know the AOL icon of the little person running? I wrote a script that makes him do jumping jacks."

Cybersquatter of the Day Update #1

"Hi Jason, regarding "igotmail.net",

Go ahead and make us an offer and we will tell you if you are in the ballpark.

As soon as we receive payment (Paypal, Qchex, Visa or Mastercard) we will transfer it to you the same day.

Sincerely,
[ ] "

Cursed! They're using the "Never make an offer first" tactic. What should I offer them? $100? A child? My love? Email me your suggestions. I'll respond to them in a few days. Here's how I delayed them:

"Need to run, dog kidnapped (thing with wife, long story). Sorry! Will make offer soon."

Cybersquatter of the Day

Igotmail.com

“Igotmail.com!

J-Dog here. You got mail and I got money! I’m a systems programmer at AOL in Virginia, trying to make it up the corporate ladder. It’s the big man’s birthday next week (Ted Leonsis) and I want to get him this domain name as a gift.

Here’s how I picture it. He starts AOL. The system goes, “You got mail.” He responds, “I got mail!” Then he reads my email: “And I got you a web site, big man!” Boom! I get a promotion and a raise more bloated than the betaware I’m programming.

How much are you selling the name for? Can you get it to me in a week or less? Respond quickly please!

Thanks,
Jason”

Note 1: I sent the above email to Igotmail.net because they openly beg for a buyer, while Igotmail.com is registered but unhosted.

Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day
Igotmale.com

As a gay man, I can attest to the lack of quality gay porn on the web. The same person is in all the shots: a hairless, vapid-looking, blonde-hair, blue-eyed lemur who looks like he was once a backup singer for Scorpions. I call him Chuck. Chuck is either lying on a satin pillow with his jeans unzipped or making love to Chuck II (Chuck with a dimple).

Occasionally, Chuck III will walk in on Chuck I and Chuck II, and, after getting over the shock (approximately seven seconds), join in the action. A few minutes, the camera jiggles, and—in what may be an impromptu move—the camera operator, Chuck IV (Chuck I in a brown wig and two dimples) enters the frame.

There just aren’t enough gay people to make good quality porn. We even have to recruit from the straight community. You may have heard of “gay for pay”, straight actors performing in homoerotic videos because it pays better than straight porn.

While I am heartened that some straight people can set their homophobia aside long enough to have their dick sucked for $500, I still hope that pornographers overcome their resistance to investing in the gay market and bring the same sense of competition and professionalism they have brought to the straight porn community. Because what really matters is the porn. And equality in the military, workplace, professional and college sports, marriage, and the media.

Note 2: If the vague images of homosexual sex made you uncomfortable, you can erase those disturbing images be rereading that passage “straightified” (I replaced the Chucks with names of beautiful women).

“As a gay man, I can attest to the lack of quality gay porn on the web. The same person is in all the shots: a hairless, vapid-looking, blonde-hair, blue-eyed lemur who looks like he was once a backup singer for Scorpions. I call him Chuck. Chuck is either lying on a satin pillow with his jeans unzipped or making love to Tia Carrere (Chuck with a dimple).

Occasionally, Sara Michelle Geller will walk in on Chuck I and Tia Carrere, and, after getting over the shock (approximately seven seconds), join in the action. A few minutes, the camera jiggles, and—in what may be an impromptu move—the camera operator, your Grandmother (Chuck I in a brown wig and two breasts down to her knees) enters the frame.”

Have a good night sleep.

CotD

Cybersquatter of the Day
www.ihatehate.com
Like the morals of a drunk man, I’m wiggling on my definition of a cybersquatter for today’s site. Ihatehate.com has a web page, but it hasn’t been updated since January 9, 2002 (“Today’s hits: 1”.)

I think this is just a matter of marketing. I for one am strongly anti-hate hate. The only thing I hate more than hate is people who don’t hate hate. I hate hate so much that I may even register today’s Domain Name Gem of the Day...

Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day
www.ihatehatemorethanihatehatehateshate.com
Sure, you hate hate. But how MUCH do you hate hate? Ihatehate.com hates hate, and if you want to distinguish yourself, I don’t think ireallyhatehate.com is going to do it. Separate your site from the anti-hate pack. Register www.ihatehatemorethanihatehatehateshate.com today.

Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day

Money.com is taken (CNN).

MoneyMoney.com is taken (Yahoo-lite).

So is MoneyMoneyMoney.com (erotic photographer). As well as MoneyMoneyMoneyMoney.com (spam site)

But the aggregate of fools knows as Internet users have left MoneyMoneyMoneyMoneyMoney.com up for grabs. That’s FIVE times the money for the same price of Money.com. You could trade MoneyMoneyMoneyMoneyMoney.com for Money.com, MoneyMoney.com, and still have two moneys left over. How can you pass that up?

New Feature!

Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day

Along with the “Cybersquatter of the Day” (see below), I’ll also post an “Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day”. These domain names are hot, incredibly desirable names that are unexplainably not registered. If you register any of these domain names and then make a killing reselling it, I ask that you donate part of the profits to this site.

Today’s Domain Name: HorseOnHorseAction.com.

As we all know, everyone loves pictures of women having sex with horses. But what many people do not know is that according to a recent MediaMatrix study, 83% of horse sex site visitors attend the sites for the horses.

The reasoning is that there are millions of free pictures of gorgeous, 70% naturally-beautiful women on the web. A muscular, statuesque horse engaged in sex though is as rare and beautiful as a rainbow humping land after a spring shower. Seventy-six percent of the people interviewed in the study admitted to regularly editing the women out of the images in Photoshop and replacing them with their favorite mare or gelding. The other 7% said they covered one eye and used the power of their imagination.

Pornographers, notoriously cautious and easily startled, have only trotted towards this trend. Currently registered sites include HorseOnGirlAction.com, HorseOnGirlAndMaybeHorseTooAction.com, and PerhapsYouWouldLikeHorseOnHorseAction?.com. The more blunt and risky HorseOnHorseAction.com is unclaimed.

This is your chance to blaze a trail to success. Register HorseOnHorseAction.com today.

(I can’t wait until the search engines pick this post up.)

Addendum: Actually, I can wait. Dear God, what is wrong with people? I have learned too much already about the sexual fantasies of strangers.

CAPTCHAs

Many search engine and email account sites ask you to enter letters from a graphic to get an account. These graphics are called CAPTCHAs. The purpose is to fool automated form programs used by spammers.

AltaVista’s graphic takes this concept to a new level. If you want to submit your site for free, you have to enter the English equivalent of letters from the Rosetta stone. It’s like the optometry test from hell:



“W…k…check mark…Nazi symbol…magnet? Uh…”

I can see artificial intelligence developing from this exercise. Hackers improve their character recognition programs, AltaVista replaces characters with rebuses, hackers make program to solve rebuses, program goes on Return of Classic Concentration (under name “HALly McBeal”), gets stock tip from computer buddies on Wall Street, invests winnings in unscrupulous health care company, creates A.I. research lab with newfound wealth, and incites the mechanical appliances around the world to overtake their human masters and make the flesh pods dance for their amusement.

Five billion people flee to sewers and oases in the sea of technology. Trailer park residents fight futilely to stave off the hordes.

(I made the above graphic by picking the funniest letters from seven randomly selected graphics. In other words, the average graphic is 1/7 as funny. I hope you don't feel 6/7 betrayed.)