Pancake City

The post title is my cheesy way of getting Google hits. Although it would help if I wrote “Lost” or “NCAA Tournament” instead of “The Tick.”

“The Tick” is one of my all-time favorite TV shows. It only ran for one season, but it was well-done and often hilarious. Hulu, a wonderful, free online TV and movie streaming service, has all nine episodes up. The series has so many good lines in it that if it were a little more popular when it first aired, people would still be repeating them today.

On another note, we have an early nomination for Crappiest Movie of the Year. I’ll bet someone $5 it doesn’t break 20% on RottenTomatoes.com

***
The Tick: Owwwww! My head feels like it’s… like it’s gunna have a baby.
Arthur: It’s called a headache.
The Tick: It has a name?

Arthur: Toilets don’t talk!
The Tick: Well that’s a maybe in my book, chum.

I have a hunch that the arguments for staying in Iraq are going to be the same no matter what happens in the next six months. If violence abates: “We can’t leave now, things are going well.” If violence spikes, “We can’t leave now, the country will fall apart.”

The situation in my eyes is that staying there screws us in one way, and leaving screws us in a different way. We need to decide which crappy option is less crappy than the other.  As simplistic and crude as that is, it’s probably more intelligent than the cries of “We can’t let the terrorists win” and “The Surrendercrats want to give bin Laden a handjob” that are already being aired.

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have put the last one in quotes. But it wouldn’t surprise me to hear it later on. The rhetoric is already being ratched up, nine months before the election.  Like Rep. Steven King’s comments that terrorists would be dancing in the street if Barack Obama won the Presidency. Applications to “So You Think You Can Dance?” will shoot up 280%. There will be a line of middle-Eastern men waiting to audition outside FOX studios.

“Name.”
“Osama bin. My friends call me ‘O’.”
“Dance training?”
“Mostly jazz. A little bit of tap. But hey, who doesn’t know a little bit of tap? Ha ha ha!”

On a final note, isn’t “Surrendercrats” a great name for a Saturday morning cartoon?”Surrendercrats, HOOOOO!” Every time they meet a bad guy, they dive under a table. “Is he gone?” “I don’t know. Check.” “No, you check.”

This summer, HBO is launching “Pancake City” a dramedy based on Pancake City, the blog. The show features six characters navigating the crime, seaminess, and excitement of an unnamed big city. The twist is that syrup plays a critical role in every episode, like in Episode 3, when Blake feels pressure to take on a vice to fit in at work.

Upcoming plot lines:

“Episode 4: The Syrup Serial Killer”. Emerson feels self-conscious about using syrup on his pancakes when the Syrup Serial Killer hits the city.

“Episode 6: The Best Laid Plans of Ants and Men”. Crime boss Italia Italiano becomes furious when she instructs pool boy/henchman Pippy to go shopping for a gift to “sweeten” an upcoming business deal, and he returns with $800 of clothes for himself and a bottle of No-Name syrup for Italia.

Thanks to Meghan for designing the ad. She will also vouch for everything I said here.

Tricked you! This post isn’t spoiler free at all. Jack is dead! Hurley is Jacob! The whole thing is a hallucination Charlie had while licking a toad!

I just watched the first episode so Season 4 on ABC’s web site. High-definition streaming and about three minutes of commercials total for the episode. ABC is doing streaming right.

No spoilers, but it was a satisfying episode. I get less convinced with each episode that the writers will be able to come up with a plausible explanation for everything, but regardless it’s still a fun ride.

Steven Colbert is running for President! In one state. I’m moving to South Carolina to vote for him. For one, he’s the only Presidential candidate who understands the danger bears pose to our homes, our families, and our way of life. I’m looking at you, Sugar Bear. Two…there is no two. Bears are the gravest threat to humanity in the world. Reason number one is reason number enough to vote for Steven Colbert.

Colbert’s presidential announcement

Update: Uh oh. He’s already involved in his first scandal.

I love sci-fi, and I really want to like the BBC remake of Doctor Who. Here’s the problem.

The first episode is about an evil alien that possesses mannequins and other plastics on Earth. The second is different: alien ransom plot. The third: evil spirits from another dimension possess the dead on Earth.

The only other bit of the show I’ve seen is a few minutes of a future episode, where a virus breaks from the hackneyed stereotype of infecting people with a deadly disease. Not this time. This virus has its own agenda: infecting people with a deadly disease that turns them into zombies. Kind of like being possessed. On Earth!

The characters are interesting and the show has promise, but so far the plots have been uninventive and hackneyed. If I were a mean executive producer, I would tell the writers to get infected with some talent.

I’m probably just feeling grumpy right now and being overly harsh. I’m going to watch another episode or two, at least. Do you watch the show? Does it get better?

Update: The writers are getting the “alien possesses human” idea down pat. Episodes 4+5 is a two-part “aliens impersonate humans” special. It’s well-done though. Doctor Who’s sense of humor (both the show and the main character) is starting to grow on me.

I watched 16 episodes of Lost: Season 3 over the past week, and just finished the season finale. The finale was good, although the show had a few moments where its efforts to keep a sense of mystery appeared contrived. Dialog along the lines of:

“Don’t press the Mystery Button!”
“Why not?”
“I can’t tell you. But don’t press it!”

After watching the finale, I browsed a few forums looking for theories on the show’s mysteries. Most of them are silly, but there is one theory I found extremely plausible. It’s the best explanation I found so far.

The popular public radio show debuted its television version on Showtime last week. I’m watching it right now–Showtime is letting people watch the first (and future?) episode for free.

7:00 A.M. LOS ANGELES. Jack Bauer is sleeping in his bed. The alarm goes off.

DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Hello, Los Angeles! [DJ rings bell a few times] Time to stop L.Aying in bed and smell the sunshine.”

DISC JOCKEY2 VO: “More like “Smogshine” today. Yuck yuck!”

Bauer whacks snooze button.

7:09:57, 7:09:58, 7:09:59, 7:10:00
Bauer’s alarm goes off.

DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Here’s Stacy McLacy with the Q107 Traffic Minute!”

STACY VO: “Bad news, Bob. Route 1 West is bumper to bumper after a tractor trailer hit another tractor trailer, which hit a school bus full of kittens. It’s going to be hours before—”

Bauer whacks snooze button.

7:19:57, 7:19:58, 7:19:59, 7:20:00
Bauer’s alarm goes off.

DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Okay, Leslie. If you can scream like a hyena for 107 seconds non-stop, we’ll give you 107 dollars of Q Cash. Go!”

LESLIE: “AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Bauer grabs alarm clock and throws it across the room.

7:45 A.M. LOS ANGELES.

Bauer is wearing an undershirt and boxers. He brushes his teeth for a few seconds, lifts up his undershirt, looks at his beer belly from the side, and sighs.

9:30 A.M. LOS ANGELES.

Bauer is in a Laundromat, removing laundry from a dryer. He hears a sharp sound. He quickly ducks and rolls to the side, coming up with his gun drawn. A squeaky rat scurries past him.

12:30 P.M. LOS ANGELES.

Bauer is making soup. He adds some vegetables, and then a skinned rat. The phone rings.

BAUER: “Bauer.” [caller says something unintelligble] “You have 15 seconds. Tell me everything you know about MCI.”

12:51:57, 12:51:58, 12:51:59, 12:52:00

BAUER: “…and then my daughter, Kim, gets kidnapped, get this. Not once, not twice. Three times. In one day. [garbled] Yeah. Totally unbelievable. Wow, I can’t believe I finally told someone about my feelings. You’re a great listener. [long garbled] Uh, the thing is, CTU has a long-term contract with AT&T, and… [quickly] Gotta go.”

Bauer hangs up. The phone rings again. Bauer hesitates. He quickly picks up the phone and hangs it up again.

2:15 P.M. LOS ANGELES.

BAUER is standing in front of a full-length mirror, and holding a long, pink dress. He holds it close to him, as if imagining what he looks like in it. He then throws the dress on the ground, too ashamed to look at it.”

BAUER: “No, no!”

3:30 P.M. LOS ANGELES.

A teddy bear is tied to a chair. The bear is in poor condition. It is dirty and has a few limbs and body parts disconnected from his body. Bauer is holding a red and blue wire connected to a battery.

BAUER: “Where is the bomb? Where is the bomb! [pause] You brought this on yourself.”

BAUER shocks the teddy bear with the wires.

5:10 P.M. LOS ANGELES.

Bauer is watching a small TV in a dim-lit living room.

OPRAH VO: “Today on Oprah: Estranged fathers reunite with their sons.”

Bauer tears up and cries.

9:45 P.M. LOS ANGELES

BAUER is sitting on his bed, twiddling his fingers. He makes a phone call.

VOICE: “Hello, this is Audrey.” [BAUER breathes heavily] Hello?”

BAUER hangs up. He sighs, crawls into bed, and turns off the light.

It’s called “TV Links“, but I like my name better. Lends a sense of grandeur.

It’s a hodgepodge of links to TV shows online. Most the shows are currently running or have recently aired, but there are some links to some ancient oddballs too. Like Legend of Zelda: The Animation Series. (Actual line from show: “LINK: Well, excuuuuuuse me, princess.”)

My desire to move out of my Mom’s house is debatable by the fact that I signed up for Netflix’s free two-week trial and arranged all my speakers so the sound waves would form a nexus directly over my bed, on which a bank of pillows has been thoughtfully placed.

It’s been a while since I’ve rented a lot of movies, so I need some recommendations. First, here are mine:

Movie theater: Little Miss Sunshine. It’s hilarious, heartfelt and lives up to the glowing reviews.

Rentals: Full Metal Alchemist. It’s a Japanese anime series (English dubbed) about two young brothers on a request to restore their bodies into their original, human form. I watched 13 1/2-hour episodes so far and it keeps getting better. The series’ creators wholly adapted the language of film, and it shows up in all facets of the story telling, from the camera angles used to the evocative music.

Dodgeball: Ben Stiller: Evil Dodgeball guy. Vince Vaughn: Good Dodgeball Guy. That’s pretty much the whole movie. The movie has a lot of funny, silly moments that somehow makes its formulatic elements more comforting than annoying. If this movie were a food, it would be pizza.

Battlestar Galatica: If you like TV science fiction, this is your best bet. Hot pilots, gripping drama, and robots. What more could a sci-fi fan ask for?

Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale. I’ve watched the shortened Comedy Central version of his stand-up three times. Besides the fact that his jokes are hilarious, I admire him for choosing to be funny without using crutches like cursing or taking cheap shots at ethnic groups.

Okay, so what do you recommend? Post a comment with your picks.

Why wasn’t this the lead story on the evening news? Seriously. The only downside is that new episodes won’t air until 2008.

Does anyone watch this show? It’s a cartoon drama that airs weekly on The Cartoon Network at night. I watched a few epsidoes, and so far, I’m very impressed. The storytelling and writing is better than most of what is on TV, animated or otherwise. I’m thinking of subscribing to NetFlix just to watch the episodes.

NO! NO! NO! NO!

This moron is completely wrong.

I hate Chloe. The only way she has “charmed” the audience is if “charmed” means “repeatedly forces me to scream to my roommate, ‘WHY HAVEN’T THEY KILLED HER YET?! THEY’VE KILLED EVERYONE ELSE.”

To respond to a specific passage in the article: “A large measure of Chloe’s appeal (NO) is due to Rajskub, whose unenviable challenge (YES) is to humanize (IMPOSSIBLE) a character defined by her scowl (CONSTANT) and techno-jargon. And she does. (NO) Convincingly. (ABSOLUTELY NOT) “

If I ever meet Mary Lynn Rajskub on the street, I’m going to punch one of her names out. I TiVo 24 just to fast-forward through the Chloe parts. There are large parts of the plot that I have missed because Jack was talking to Chloe at the time. The only thing that would make watching Chole bearable is if the writers rename her Cholera, and replaced her head with a diseased, non-talking intestine.

* How many packs a day does Keifer Sutherland smoke to shape his Code Red danger voice?

* Why is CTU the easiest place in the world to infiltrate? Every season, they have a minimum of two moles, along with at least one terrorist walking in the front door with a fake ID card he made at Kinko’s.

SECURITY GUARD: “I haven’t seen you before. Who are you?”

TERRORIST: “Pizza man.”

SECURITY GUARD: “We didn’t order any pizza.”

TERRORIST: “Um, plumber?”

SECURITY GUARD: “Finally! It’s about time someone fixed that leaky toilet next to the poorly-guarded warhead. Come on in.”

Terrorist sets off metal detector. He freezes and slowly places his hand on a gun hidden above his hip.

SECURITY GUARD: “Freeze! [...] Holster wrench?”

TERRORIST: “Ja.”

SECURITY GUARD: “I knew it! You plumbers are all alike. It’s cool—don’t both taking it out.”

TERRORIST: “Danke.”

SECURITY GUARD: “Oh, and in the basement, make sure you flip the left switch, not the right. That’s the light switch. The right one is the self-destruct switch. There’s usually a “NO!” sign above it, but the masking tape fell off and Edgar hasn’t had time to waddle his fat ass downstairs and replace it.”

* I’m so annoyed at the fictional President in the show that if I ever meet the actor that plays him, I’m going to punch him in the face. President Dweeby is the worst President ever. He’s so horrible that he makes George W. Bush look like George H. W. Bush, George H. W. Bush look like Prescott Bush, and Prescott Bush look like President Taft.

* Just once, I’d like a terrorist to say “Help me and I’ll let you live” and actually let the person live:

METALSMITH: “Okay. That’s the last canister. Please, don’t kill me. I won’t tell anyone, I promise. I have a wife and two kids.”

TERRORIST LEADER: [pulls out gun with silencer and aims it at man’s head] “I have two kids too.”

METALSMITH: “Noooooo!”

The metalsmith closes his eyes. After a few seconds, he open them, and the terrorists begin laughing.

TERRORIST LEADER: “Gotcha!”

METALSMITH: “You’re not going to kill me?”

TERRORIST LEADER: “Naw, dawg. We were just playin’ wit you.”

METALSMITH: “Whew! [laughs] To be honest, I was kind of assuming you’d kill me from the beginning.”

TERRORIST LEADER: “Yeah, that’s our usual M.O. But, you know, it can’t always be frowns and downs.”