We live in an age of forgetting.
porn
NSFW Round-up
Feb 26th
Can anyone seriously argue that the TSA hasn’t become completely corrupted with power?
FOX News Porn. So that’s why so many people watch FOX News.
Anti-NSFW: Garfield Minus Garfield (thanks, Kate) . This is the only way to enjoy Garfield.
On the one hand, dog bites. On the other hand, porn.
Aug 23rd
Today’s mail included a free porn periodical addressed to an old roommate of mine. Evidentially, pages 1-25 are supposed to generate in you an increasing amount of horniess, until you get to pages 26-30 and dial 1-900-SUPA-TITS with one hand. (And leave off the last S. That’s the S for SEARCH THE FREAKIN INTERNET.)
But how did I know there was a nudie mag in the wrapped package? Because it wasn’t completely wrapped. Someone had ripped the top open, and neither of my roommates were home.
There you go. Now you know why the mail arrives late some days.
Do you know what would be fun to to? Sending a fake package with a title like “From your friends at XXXPress!” Then when the mail man sticks his hand in the package, he triggers a device that fires at his palm a blob of glue, a bunch of hair, and a note: “Gotcha! – God.”
Five Things I Learned Today
Apr 16th
1. One Lender’s onion bagel for breakfast is delicious. Two is absolutely disgusting.
2. To make a new line within a cell in Microsoft Excel, press Alt-Enter.
3. A person can get used to a lot of things, like a faucet that gives cold water when turned left, hot water when turned right. Or, in this case, wrong.
4. An inkling of the health measures the porn industry takes to prevent disease from unprotected sex (although I still don’t understand why the average life span of a porn actor isn’t 27.)
5. I didn’t learn five things today.
Coming to a Porn Store Near You
Dec 18th
“Return of the Kink”
Starring:
* Araporn
* Grima Longtongue
* Handsoff
and…?
You may not want to read this
Jan 23rd
So I was talking about horse sex sites with my friend (it’s a weekly conversation) when he forwarded me this site, www.sex-with-horse.aimalsex.com.
You know how when you’re excited you may type an email to a friend really fast, and right after you click the send button you realize you misspelled a word? That’s what happened to this guy. Except it was a domain name. About horse sex. What type of person loses the ability to spell when confronted with the possibility of horse whoopie? What newspaper does he read? What does he eat for breakfast? Does he pick out the horseshoes from his Lucky Charms? Put sugar cubes in his Cheerios? [This is for the search engines: horse sex cheerios, horse sex cheerios, horse sex cheerios]
The worst part is that the word isn’t even necessary. Sex.with.horse? What type of sex is that? Oh, aimal sex. Now I get it.
And shouldn’t it be sex with horses? Who wants to risk the embarrassment of a spouse typing “sexy-surpise-for-your-lover” and having “sex-with-horse-aimal.com” fill in before he or she gets to the ‘y’, just for one horse? Three or four horses, or one talking horse, I can understand, but one plain horse? Pornography isn’t immoral. It’s illiterate.
Okay, no more horse jokes. I promise.
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