Pancake City

Josie Richards and Michelle Dunlap each took the gamble of running for the office of Estancia Town Trustee. But with the vote being a draw, the only way to pick a winner was by a game of chance — in this case, a hand of 5-card stud poker. In the end, lady luck sided with Richards — she drew a pair of nines.”I was very nervous,” said Richards. “I’m a big competitor and I wanted this position.”

This isn’t the first time a New Mexico election has been decided by a deck of cards. Under state law, in the event of a tie in an election, the winner is chosen by a game of chance.” (link)

Does Rock, Paper, Scissors count?

“HORRIBLE!”
“Oh. So you have cancer or live in Iraq?”
“Well, no, but….I just want to whine, okay?”

Plants. I water my plants as often as I update my blog. My plants are dead.

Mouse. WHY WON’T YOU DIE. We have a mouse or mice scurrying between the walls of our house. My roommates bought some cruelty-free traps, which are akin to small tubes that the mouse is supposed to walk right into and close the door behind him.

That would work great, if this were some country rube mouse who was born in a stack of hay and lived under the knot of an apple tree. “Golly gee, there’s some cheese in that there fancy hole. I’m gonna go git me some!”

Not going to work for city mouse. Centuries of rough living and brutal Darwinism have weeded out any sense of fear or compassion for our cheese. City mouse is tough, sophisticated, and intelligent. He gnaws through our bread bags and poops on our counter without fear. I came home one day and turned on the kitchen light to see him rappelling down to the stove from the ceiling. He froze when I saw him, and then tossed a smoke bomb to cover his tracks.

This mouse isn’t going to walk into a slender metal box labeled “Conto Mouse Trap” just because it has a mote of cheese at the end. This mouse can read. Yet my roommates think I’m the unrealistic one just because I’m willing to do what is necessary: buy a comfy chair, a sniper rifle, and a pair of night vision goggles.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. It’s a post-apocalyptic computer game that takes place in Chernobyl. I kept getting killed by packs of rabid dogs. By the time I open my inventory to toss them a treat, they tear me apart. Hey, quit it! I walk your friends in real-life.

In a way, they are like the dogs I walk. Except my dogs try to kill me indirectly by licking the sunscreen off my arms.

Poker. @#$%^&**#A#$@. I’m too angry to play poker regularly. I overestimate my emotional fortitude, get frustrated with the natural downs of the game, and ended up not playing my best or having fun. I wish I could teach a robot what I know. A robot me would kick ass. And I’d be a robot, which is a reward unto itself.

What would you do if you were a robot? First, I’d walk in all in the scary neighborhoods. With my wallet hanging from my neck, like Flavor Flav with a MBA. Then I’d get a few lasers, because every robot needs a few lasers. Next, I’d hit on a some guys. I already have a come-on line. “What is this ‘love’ you talk about?”

Finally, I’d find President Bush, and give him a good, robot kick in the balls. “Crappiness does not compute, Bush.” [whack] Then I would go on the morning talk-show circuit and tell everyone that robots have gained sentient life, and our first duty was to deliver a clear and decisive message unto President Bush’s nut sack. Read that as you may. I’d also hint that we would not hurt the vice-President, as we wouldn’t harm one of our own.

It would be total bull, as I would be the only sentient robot, but we all know how the media is liberal and doesn’t ask tough questions. I’d wave goodbye, announce I’m leaving for my homeland, Japan, and then lie in hiding and hopefully watch a wave of change brought upon us by The Little Robot That Could (Children’s book I would have pre-written before the event. A robot has got to make money too. Especially after being banned from playing poker)

I’ve had trouble adjusting after returning from Alaska. The first few days back I felt directionless and seized on my bad habits as a way of retreating into a familiar routine.

One of my habits is to play online poker. It’s healthy in moderation, but often I overdo it, especially when I get frustrated. I mostly play online multi-table tournaments (MTTs) from $4-$30.

They are naturally frustrating. The absolute best players make it “in the money” about 15-20% of the time, at which point about 80-90% of the other players have been eliminated. Having a major cash is even rarer, especially in the low buy-in tournaments that I play, where there are regularly 800-1,000 people playing and you need to make it to the final table (last 9 people) to earn significant money.

A smart, professional poker player once said that to become a better player it to practice Zen Buddhism, whether you realize it or not. He’s right. Once you learn the technical aspects of poker, much of what separates the good players from the great ones is how they handle the mental aspects. Frustration. Focus. Staying in the present while incorporating the knowledge of the past.

My biggest challenge with poker is handling the emotional part of the game. I entered about 16 MTTs in the past few days. I played poorly in a few, well in most, and really well in a few. My results: 0 out of 16 cashes.

Intellectually, I know that’s part of normal variance, but emotionally, it makes me frustrated and angry. The longer I went without a cash, the more difficulty I had focusing on making good decisions and not caring about the results, which is paramount in poker. My thoughts while playing were often angry and negative, and while they didn’t hurt my play as much as usual, it made playing unpleasant. I was irritable after I was done playing too, which makes the whole experience almost ridiculous. Why am I playing a game again?

In a sick way, the emotional struggle is part of my attraction to poker. It’s a constant reminder of how much work I need to do to handle my emotions in a healthy way, and an external way of getting rewarded for making these improvements.

What helps the most is having balance in my life–spreading my time out among friends, reading, writing, and hobbies like poker so I don’t get too emotionally involved in one area.

All of this is a very roundabout way of saying that I hope to return to posting almost every day as part of the way to live a more balanced life. This was probably boring to read, but I have almost no real-life poker friends, and I have to vent somewhere.

Ironically fast turnaround update: I played two tournaments at midnight after writing this post. One of them was a $10 MTT with 1,485 players. I got 4th. I got really, really lucky to make it that far too–more luck than I had in at least a year–and then a tad unlucky at the end. It was like the exact opposite of the past week compressed into one game. It’s a lot easier to take a break from poker after doing well.

Except that it hasn’t been.

Last week, Sen. Frist attached the “Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act” to a port security bill at the last minute. The act was allowed to be attached to the bill late at night on a voice vote, and the port security bill was signed into law by President Bush on Friday.

While there are literally millions of Americans that play poker online, I suspect the media initially picked up the story because of the economic ramifications. Online gambling is taxed and regulated in the U.K. and most of Europe. Poker company stocks traded overseas lost around 60% of their price and billions of dollars in market value.

Money is a great quality for any story. It’s one of the Three Media Musketeers, along with sex and violence. Now if only Rockstar Games could create a video game that allows you and a friend to bet on how quickly you can beat-up hookers. They wouldn’t even need a clever name. They could just call it “Money-Hooker-Smash” and make a fortune.

The media’s initial handling of the story made me realize how easy it is to fool editors. Although the act is named, “Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act” the act doesn’t make it illegal to play poker online. It’s still legal. The first 3/5 of the bill’s title is a lie. The law makes it illegal for U.S. banks and credit card companies to directly transfer money to and from overseas online poker sites.

Yet the act’s name says Unlawful, Internet, and Gambling, all in the same sentence. So, according to many news outlets: “Internet Gambling Made Illegal” (or, in a nod to nuance, “Internet Gambling Made Practically Illegal)”

Perhaps it’s unfair to except accuracy immediately in a 24/7 news environment. Check 1: The words were in order. Check 2: Screw it. We got check 1.

If the act was titled, “Gambling Internet Unlawful Act Enforcement Poodle” and the AP ran a photo of a pink poodle in a cop uniform beating up a computer playing poker, then I’d have more of a case.

The arguments against online gambling are absolutely ridiculous and inconsistent with how we treat similar activities. If you can day trade from the privacy of your home for as much money and as long as you want, why can’t you do the same with online poker? You can even play for much lower stacks online than live. The minimum stakes at a casino is usually $1/$2–every online site offers games for $.10/$.20.

Alcoholism is a terrible problem, but that doesn’t mean we should ban alcohol. We tried that before. It’s called…I forget. I had too much to drink tonight. But if our government isn’t going to stop me from crashing my car into a 7-11 and run around the store naked with a Slurpee cup over my crotch, then it has no business trying to discourage people from gambling online.

Most arguments by poker players in support of online poker playing are sound, although some of them try too hard. My favorite is one I heard on a poker radio show: “By letting us gamble at home, it keeps us from driving drunk on the streets.” Way to win the hearts and minds, guys.

There are a lot of interesting background nuggets about the situation.

* Sen. Frist’s motivation. He has been continually pandering to the religious right to secure their support (and dollars) for his Presidential run. Remember Terry Schiavo?

* Anti-gambling groups have been trying to get a bill like this passed for years. One reason they haven’t been able to up until now is because the now-disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff worked to prevent any anti-gambling ban that would hurt his clients, the Indian casinos. Abramoff’s work tainted online gambling in a way. “If he defended it, then it must be bad.”

* While the bill is difficult to enforce, and most poker players use third-party payment system already that aren’t affected by the law, public online gambling firms have pulled out of the U.S. market, which is 1/2 of the total online market. The reason is that, as publicly-held companies, their operations and relationships with banks can’t have any hint of illegality or being involved in a legal gray area.

* PartyGaming, a public company with a 50% market share in the U.S., has pulled out of the market, leaving a huge vacuum for private companies to seize.

* Most of poker’s recent popularity has come from televised poker shows. These shows get a significant amount of revenue from online poker sites. It’s unclear how many of these shows will survive now that some companies no longer operating in the U.S. has no reason to advertise in the country.

* There are a lot of angry, life-long Republicans who play poker and say they aren’t voting Republican this year because of the bill. I don’t think it will affect any elections though. There’s a big online tournament on Voting Day.

Last night, before the final table of the PS $215, Lee Jones dealt me Rules of the Game and a photo of Mike Sexton massaging his left nipple. I got busted by an Internet pro with severe combined immunodeficiency who had to roll to the kitchen in a rush before the toaster oven burned his Hot Pocket, so HE LET HIS DOG PLAY 72o. HOW THE GODDAM HELL DOES A DOG FLOP A STRAIGHT WITH 72o?!!! And then afterwards the dog has the audacity to paw, “Well, they were suited.” NO THEY WEREN’T, YOU COLOR-BLIND BITCH.

Fuck Lee Jones!

:) :0 >:(

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DEAR EVERYONE UNDER 21. THESE ARE SMILEY FACES (AND FROWNY FACES). THEY USED TO EXIST BEFORE AIM HAD SMILEY GRAPHICS (AND FROWNY GRAPHICS). IN 1998, WE LIVED LIKE BARBARIANS. SO STOP WHINING WHNE YOUR EMAIL TAKES 15 MINUTES TO REACH YOUR FRIEND, WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A BUBBLE, AND YOUR BUBBLE DOESN’T HAVE WIRELESS.

Well, I managed to go for months without my first post about poker, but I need to put this on my web page to qualify for a free, online tournament:

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 6145316

This will probably be my first and last post about online poker. I’ve read other poker blogs. They’re horrendously boring, and I love the game. Talking about poker to people who don’t play is the equivalent of showing them your 500+ photos from your trip to Bangladesh. It’s very interesting. For you.

The random rundown:

* I’ve been playing online for several months.
* I am not rich from playing.
* I am not poor from playing.
* Yes, I probably spend too much time playing.
* I know all the poker lingo, and I find it increasingly difficult not to use it in everyday conversation, especially “gg” and calling people donkeys.
* My favorite poker games are Follow the Fries, Big Slick, Who’s the Daddy?, and Red Ball #5.
* That was a poker joke! I made all those names up!
* This is why I don’t write about poker on the blog.
* When I started playing, I promised myself that if I ever lost my initial deposit, I would quit.
* That’s still true.
* Poker is closer to chess than roulette.
* Seriously. It requires math, psychology, deductive reasoning, emotional awareness, emotional control, and an ability to learn. It’s why I get annoyed when people consider it “gambling”.
* I’m not sure how much longer I will play. There are better ways to make money, but they are not as much fun.
* I still smile when I think of JJProdigy’s excuse when he got caught having multiple accounts: “It’s not my account. It’s my grandmother’s account.”
* Again, this is why I don’t write about poker on the blog.