Pancake City

Yoono, a bookmarking program that powers my mini-blog on the right, isn’t working at the moment. Mini-blog post, you are hereby promoted to main blog post! Huzzah! Here it is:

Candidates’ Earmarks Worth Millions - washingtonpost.com

The impression one gets from the lead may be misleading — I would think a more accurate way of measuring Senatorial earmark spending is to focus on money per constituent, not total spending — but there are lots of illustrative tidbits on the three major candidates in this article.

Sen. McCain’s anti-earmark stance is symbolically powerful. Earmarks are the type of thing that is easy for people to rail against. They symbolize waste, even though they are a small fraction of total government spending and probably serve a good purpose in some cases (although that’s more on a guess than knowledge). Then again, they seem like an under-the-table way to reward donors and political friends.

I hope that if any changes are made to how earmarks are handled, that the people supporting these changes think hard about the potential unintended consequences of those reform. Well-intentioned changes can end up making situations worse.

Missing Missouri Convicts Found in Prison

After beating a fellow inmate to death, two already convicted murderers in a Missouri prison hid for several days in a false wall near a worksite.

What were they afraid of? That they’d go to prison? That they’re parole would be moved from never to really never? Comedians, if you’re doing a set tonight, jump on the lamwagon. Shecky is in the house, and this time he doesn’t need a writer.

Elliott Smith leaves on a down note.

The man who jumped into Niagra Falls, and survived, says he was pushed to do so because of depression. “I honestly thought that it wasn’t worth going on. But I can tell you now after hitting the falls I feel that life is worth living,” he said.

“I knew that my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God, and his was an idol.”

“Roses are red, poems are corny, take me to bed, I’m feeling horny.”

“So I knock on the door and I say, ‘Hi, I’m Courtney Love. I’m leaving the loony bin.’ “

“This is the first time we’ve found anything like this inside a junkyard. Most places will say it’s a massage parlor or adult entertainment.”

Most links from FARK. Not responsible for time wasted reading articles.

If you saw a headline that said “Pope Leads Havel in Nobel Peace Prize Betting,” what would you think? Perhaps it what was I thought: Pope John Paul playing craps with former Czech President Vaclav Havel, with a side bet on who’s going to dunk the Nobel.

Update: In your face, Pope!

Can’t government do anything right?

Back again?

Berkeley’s back. Tell a friend.

Now all we need is G-Lar and Watterson.

This story on the “enhanced” Hulk doll is spreading across the Internet as fast as you can say “giant Cheeto”. It’s obvious that the toy manufacturer, Play By Play, didn’t include a third arm on the actual doll. I’d like to find out if the doll is a hoax by The Sun, a knock-off by an adult toy company, or–how’s this for cynicism–planted by Play by Play to drum up interest and orders for the doll.

My copy of today’s Post had a crease in it. Under the shaky auspices of serendipity and other big words I’m using to mask my childish glee, I thought I’d share this section that caught my eye.

[tee hee hee hee] Ahem. Sometimes I wonder why I bother to pretend being an adult.

A North Carolina tobacco farmer is in a stand-off with police after driving his tractor into a pond on the Mall. Maybe he’s just a really bad driver and thought, “Well, now that I’m here…”

Two great gems have come from the story so far:
1. Name of the U.S. Park Police spokesman: Scott Fear.
2. A comment from Watson’s neighbor: “She believes Watson is ‘trying to make a point’ about the government’s tobacco policy. She says she believes Watson isn’t a crazy person, adding that he’s ‘just been pushed to the edge.’ “

If this doesn’t count as crazy in North Carolina, then what does? Driving into a pond and smoking menthols? And this isn’t spur of the moment craziness. This guy was going 55 tops driving up here in a rundown jeep with a tractor attached. He has been crazy at Denny’s, crazy at the Motel 6, crazy buying Breakfast Bites at 7-11… He should have abducted a couple teenagers along the way and combined two stories into one.

Eventually, the police are going to get tired of the standoff, toss him a turban, and shoot him.
“Hey, Akmed. Catch.”
“Akmed? Why are you calling me–uh oh.”

“The dean of students at Paul VI Catholic High School in Fairfax County resigned this week after his name and photo were discovered on sexually suggestive Web sites devoted to leather, motorcycles and heterosexuality.” (Washington Post article)

Oops. I mean homosexuality. Although I’m sure that doesn’t make a difference. This article also contains the Quote of the Week:

School officials said the Web sites were discovered by a Paul VI alumnus who was doing research for a college assignment on vegetarians.

“In the course of his research, a Web site came up of people who promote wearing leather,” Shovlain said. “One of the people depicted was Mr. Santora.”

Last week, at the dorm room of the Paul VI alumnus…

‘Vegetarians vegetables’…55,100 hits! Damn it. ‘Vegetarians hate meat’…7,770! I have to turn this in an hour. What else do vegetarians hate? Think Paul LVII, think. That’s it! Leather! Vegetarians hate leather. But just to be safe: ‘Vegetarians leather cock sucking’

A Yahoo story states that surgery tools are left in 1,500 people a year.

A quote: “In two cases, 11-inch retractors–metal strips used to hold back tissue–were forgotten inside patients. In another operation, four sponges were left inside someone.”

Let’s not mince words. Four sponges weren’t left inside someone. Four sponges were stuffed inside someone. Getting four pieces of dead sea animal to gracefully arrange themselves in a chest cavity is like trying to squeeze four balls in a nutsack. It can be done, but you’re going to have to do a lot of stretching and jiggling. Furthermore, any surgeon forgetful enough to lose four sponges would have lost his car keys, his backup keys, his pants, and his ability to dial a phone and get help. He would have never made it to work.

I’m not saying the surgeon was malicious. My theory is that the surgeon operated on a plump patient the day before Thanksgiving and got ahead of himself. It’s easy to see how he could get confused. The patient is on her back, she has the equivalent of a gravy bag hooked in her arm, and strange people you don’t spend a lot of time with are clamoring for you to finish. We should be grateful that blood doesn’t smell like cranberry sauce and her wishbone is still intact.