Archive for monkey
I Have an RSS Feed!
And I wouldn’t use it for a few days.
First, thanks to Jim M. for the link that made setting up the feed easy.
For the past few days, I’ve been adding metadata to almost every post I have written. It started on a whim, something I did for a handful of recent posts, and went on from there. My thoughts are often a cluttered mess, and it feels good to be organized in at least one part of my life.
I think the RSS feed is updating every time I add a keyword to a post. I finished 200 so far, and have around 1,000 more to do. If you are reading on a newsreader, you may end up seeing four years of blog posts by the end of the week. I suggest waiting a few days and clicking on the “poop” tag to catch up on the best ones. Or for the very best, “poop monkey rocket”. Man, that monkey’s handlers were so pissed off when he returned back to Earth. Ahh, the stories.
Even in times of turbulent change, one thing always remains true
It is impossible, absolutely impossible, to write a bad monkey story.
Need proof?
Sept. 24, 2004
CIUDAD JUAREZ, Mexico (Reuters) - Monkey pooped. The end.
See?
Monkeys Terrorize India Workers, Tourists
You can never go wrong with a monkey story.
Monkey Think, Monkey Do
From The Washington Post:
“Scientists in North Carolina have built a brain implant that lets monkeys control a robotic arm with their thoughts. [...]
“In the new experiments, monkeys with wires running from their brains to a robotic arm were able to use their thoughts to make the arm perform tasks. But before long, the scientists said, they will upgrade the implants so the monkeys can transmit their mental commands to machines wirelessly.” [italics mine]
Look. I like monkeys. They’re cute and, unlike lazy babies, throw away their own poop. But this is a bad idea. We’ve been smearing pink mascara on them, pushing them down hills on rollerskates and forcing our simian friends into servitude for capriciously-offered sips of juice for decades now. I don’t care how often they smile or hug animal trainers of talk shows: monkeys want revenge. And giving them mental control over a man-crushing robotic arm is two steps away from a horror movie plot and one step away from: “Sorry, Koko. I’m out of bananas. I’ll bring some tomorrow. Koko, what are you doing? No, Koko, no! I am your master! I AM YOUR…urlr…ack… [whump].”
Unequal pay makes monkeys go ape
In addition to the hilarious photo + caption at the end of the article, this is actually an interesting study.
Monkeys Framed Again
Move over SARS. Here comes monkeypox, the made-for-comedy disease that’s sweeping the nation.
A quote from a Washington Post article:
“Prairie dogs are believed to be the source of an outbreak of the monkeypox virus in the Midwest, health officials said.”
Which brings me to this question: WHO’S THE SICK BASTARD TRYING TO PASS THIS ON THE MONKEYS? If prairie dogs are the source, then let’s call the virus by its true name, FilthyRatfacedPrariedogPox. Or if we’re going to be irrational, let’s go all the way. Cause of the increased deficit, faltering economy, and restrictions on constitutional freedoms? Monkey did it.
