We live in an age of forgetting.
marketing
That’s Mr. 85093 To You
Jul 22nd
I’m just not feeling the new eMusic. It’s like they’re looking at their customers in a different way now.
Nice try, robot trickster. I read Snow Crash. I know what will happen when I “Take a Look”.
$5 Fandango coupon for taking a survey
Jul 6th
It’s a 10-15 minute survey. You have to say that you’ve watched Hancock to get pass the first few pages. At the end, you get a $5 off coupon for Fandango. Survey link. The link will probably die soon–you can take the survey more than once and the coupon codes are stackable on Fandango, pretty good motivation for people who don’t have much money and like the movies.
Maybe I was in a bad mood…
Jun 15th
…but this put me in full rant mode when I saw a commercial for it.
It’s Mountain Dew’s “DEWmocracy“. In the commercial, three groups of people are tugging a rope against each other. What are they fighting for? The right to pick a new flavor of Mountain Dew.
I didn’t know one ad campaign could encapsulate so much that is wrong with our culture. It’s like a neutron star of crapiness. What set me off is how completely they co-opted the language, ideas, and spirit of democracy to sell a can of soda.
You want to hold a vote, fine. But “campaign tools” to promote your favorite soft drink? Phrases like “Keep the Movement Alive”? Yeah, you better get off your seat and start helping out. The corporations and media giants that control our society are really trying to squash the grassroots Mountain Dew movement.
A true cynic will argue there’s no difference between selling a product and selling a candidate, but there is. I’ll admit, a lot of the marketing is the same. But behind the marketing, and the usual BS that’s part of politics, there’s still a person there. There is still something real, A can of soda isn’t going to change anyone’s life, much less the future of our country. But for better or worse, a President will.
The message board is as disheartening as one would suspect. Maybe there really isn’t much difference between a soda campaign and a political campaign. A sample of posts:
WHY VOTE?! (Quote: “THEY ALL TASTE SO GOOD”)
Why can’t we have ALL the flavors? (Unity ticket!)
Why ‘Revolution’ is the only logical choice (Political analysis by one of the country’s top minds)
I think we need to stop fighting. (Yes! A message of peace.)
Where Were you when You first Tried the new Dew’s? (“When I heard Kennedy was shot, I driving home on…wait, what???)
Rubber Thug
Dec 12th
How did I miss this bit of marketing genius for so long?
I have had an old Rubbermaid “Roughneck” laundry basket for many years now. The label copyright is 1983. I just noticed two things about it today.
1. The original product sticker is still on the bottom.
2. The Rubbermaid mascot is a thug.
rubbermaid waistbasket
The image quality is poor, but the message is clear: this guy is mad about laundry. His arms are crossed, his dockworker hat is pulled to the ridge of his forehead, and whatever is strapped to his wrist is either an unusual watch or portable garroting wire.
“Five Year Warranty”? Yeah, like I’m going to call Rubbermaid customer service and give my phone number and address to a company with Sir Thug-A-Lot on the payroll. “You got a problem with your basket? Yeah, I’ll come right over and fix it. I’ll fix it real good.”
I’m afraid to put laundry in this thing anymore. I was blissfully unaware of this relic of the tough-guy marketing trend for over a decade, and now I can’t fall asleep without a pullover and a pair of socks covering his face.
I understand the manly man marketing philosophy, but even accounting for today’s slightly increased sensibilities, what was Rubbermaid thinking?
AD MAN 1: “Hey, let’s put a picture of a man who looks like he beats his wife when the booze runs out on all our products aimed at women, many of whom who stay at home alone or with defenseless kids.”
AD MAN 2: “I like it! Mr. Clean, you going down.”
EBay Auction
Oct 26th
I’m not sure if it’s real or a very clever scam, but either way, it’s funny. He’s selling his ex-wife’s Beanie Babies. Link from LYD.
Conversation With a Telemarketer
Oct 14th
TELEMARKETER: “Is Mr. Poarch in?”
ME: “No, he moved out.”
TELEMARKETER: “Is Ms. Poarch in?”
ME: “Um, she also moved out. And they took the kid too.”
TELEMARKETER: “Thank you. [realizes what I said] Ha ha.” [click]
Hola Crayola!
Oct 14th
As part of Crayola’s 100th birthday celebration (“Feeding Milk Chocolate to hungry children for a 100 years”), the company is retiring four colors: Magic Mint, Blizzard Blue, Mulberry and Teal Blue. Crayola will replace the colors with Wizard Wintergreen, Cold Cobalt, Mystery Crayon (M–be-ry), and Scalpy Indian.
New Email Address
Sep 17th
As you can tell, I changed the site design. I also changed my email address because I’m tired of getting spam. To stop email harvesters from getting my address, I have added ‘NOSPAM’ to it, which you will have to remove before sending email. I also added another ‘NOSPAM’ for extra protection. Only remove the irst-fay ‘NOSPAM’. Thanks.
Tomato Toes
Aug 26th
Why isn’t there a brand of corn called “Children of the Corn”? This is just the type of nutritional shortsightedness caused by a lack of vitamins that makes me angry. Drug czars and pine green giants lament that kids don’t eat more vegetables, yet there isn’t not one corn company brave enough to draw little faces possessed by an evil force on all the kernels.
Of course, if you are a super-intelligent German, perhaps created by Nazi scientists in the 1930s and recently awaken from your cryogenic chamber, the solution is obvious: Herr Grosse Dollars, bilden diese produkte!
Peas in a Rod—A white rod with this on it: “Hey kids! Sugar inside!” The rod is stuffed with peas. That’ll teach those muthafuckers.
BroccoDoReMi—Move over Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Broccoli stems and singing sensations Do, Re, and Mi are going to Vitamin K-ick it old school.
Mixed Vegetballs—Chunks of carrots, squash, cauliflower, and tomatoes, joining forces for the first time in a duct-taped ball. Dunk it in the hoop, then in your mouth.
Mystery Bag: This bag is covered in colorful question marks. It has no name, no logo, no nutrition facts, and no UPC code. Sometimes it appears in the freezer section. Other times in seafood, or inside a box of Cocoa Puffs. What wild surprise could it be? There’s only one way to find out! And that way is to read this next sentence: the bag always contains brussel sprouts.
Hey, Kids
Aug 20th
Don’t bother visiting Heineken’s web site if you are under 21. You’ll never make it through their impenetrable security procedure.
Somebody explain this to me
Aug 10th
On the billboard of a local gas station:
“$17.95 Oil Change! Ladies Day!”
Move Over Ken. Hulk Is Here.
Jul 8th
This story on the “enhanced” Hulk doll is spreading across the Internet as fast as you can say “giant Cheeto”. It’s obvious that the toy manufacturer, Play By Play, didn’t include a third arm on the actual doll. I’d like to find out if the doll is a hoax by The Sun, a knock-off by an adult toy company, or–how’s this for cynicism–planted by Play by Play to drum up interest and orders for the doll.
Sorry, Jewel Fans
Jun 3rd
Best Buy, in a tribute to chemotherapy, is restricting the number of copies of Jewel’s new CD you can buy. Limit 3 per customer. So if you were planning on building an igloo out of Jewel CDs, you’ll need a help of several friends or a selection of fake mustaches. Also, if you are a dealer, do not even try to buy 1 copy. Best Buy knows who you are. Release date subject to change. Come on, 3/11/22. Daddy needs some shelf space for good music.
Move Over, Slick Willie
May 20th
From The New York Times
“On Tuesday, at a speech promoting his economic plan in Indianapolis, White House aides went so far as to ask people in the crowd behind Mr. Bush to take off their ties, WISH-TV in Indianapolis reported, so they would look more like the ordinary folk the president said would benefit from his tax cut.”
If there were ever a time for the Democrats to hire 500 fast undressers with nipple rings…
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