Pancake City

“In S. Korea, Anti-U.S. Beef Protests Stir Backlash Against President”

As tens of thousands of people waved candles in central Seoul and other South Korean cities, a month of street demonstrations against the purported danger of U.S. beef broadened on Tuesday night into a populist backlash against the country’s fledging president, Lee Myung-bak. [...]

Despite repeated assurances from Lee’s government and the United States, many South Koreans continue to fear that U.S. beef would infect them with mad cow disease.

A month of demonstrations against Grade A American chuck, roast, rib, and sirloin? That’s silly. Our beef is 100% safe and delicious. Some would even call it crazy good. Now, our tomatoes, those you have to worry about. They’ll give you salmonella. It’s spread from feces that comes from non-beef related animals, like cows. Better eat some more beef to make up for the hole in your diet.

Last fall, there was a study released saying that keyboards have more bacteria than toilet seats. The study appeared in a few news outlets, and I wrote this post in response about our maligned friend the toilet seat.

I don’t understand how these things work, but several days ago, the study (or a similar study with the same conclusion) reappeared in the news. Except this time, it got a lot more coverage. I heard it mentioned in a tech podcast, the front page of Yahoo, and at least one other news source.

I don’t have access to Lexis-Nexis or a similar news database, but I’m 95% sure this is essentially the same story that appeared around October and that it got picked up by many more media outlets this time. Hold on, I’m going to do some research.

[...]

Okay, as far as I can tell, this is what happened. A University of Arizona microbiologist, Chuck Gerba, published a study in 2002 measuring the amount of bacterial on phones, desks, and keyboards in offices in various parts of the country. The study, sponsored by The Clorox Company, detailed the number of evil, horrible bacteria on everyday office objects and then recommended that one could drastically reduce the number of bacteria on one’s desk by using a disinfectant wipe, like, I don’t know, Clorox Disinfecting Wipes (this is in the study linked above).

The study fit two most important qualifications for media outlets: sensationalism (”Your Desk Is Dirtier Than a Toilet!”) and relatability (”Hey, I worked at a desk!”). Clorox loves it–the study recommends using anti-disinfectant wipes, and includes a sponsorship message in the study. The University loves it–gets the name of the institution in media across the world. Dr. Gerba loves it–he gets his work funded, and shows his value to his department.

Dr. Gerba gives these cash cow studies a name, “Germs in the Workplace”, and does the same study every few years with a different spin.

There’s a Valentine’s Day study (who’s ‘germier’, men or women?), a location study (’which city has the most germy office’), and a study that determines the “germiest job”, During flu season, news outlets like CNN will bring out the findings again and call him up for a quote.

Does having all these bacteria and viruses on our keyboards and phones actually affect our health? Well, that’s besides the point. Everyone gets what they want without asking that question. In fact, answering the question could very well ruin the complex symbiotic relationship at work here.

That explains why the germs-on-keyboard story seemed so familiar. It is familiar. And we will likely hear it again, with a new twist, in the near future.

For the record, the most recent incarnation of this story isn’t from Chuck Gerba. A British magazine, Which? Computing,  decided to get in on the fun, and many American media outlets were happy to print the same story again. Watch out, Dr. Gerba. It’s not stealing if it happens on another continent.

The co-founder of Baskin-Robbins died at 90. The creator of LSD died at 102. Do I need to start smoking crack?

The original title for this post was “Water: The Silent Killer.” I’m trying to be more alarmist in my life. For example. today I am going to write “‘Death” on lots of slips of paper and tape them to my roommates’ unhealthy food. “Death Pockets.” “Death-a-Roni.” “Death by Death by Chocolate.” Then when they throw their food away, I’ll pluck it out of the trash and put on the real label: “Sucker Pockets.”

But then I realized water isn’t a silent killer. If you were actually killed by water, like by choking after taking a drink from a water fountain, it would be a noisy death. Lots of gurgling and arm flailing. It would be ghoulishly ironic too, killed by the source of all life.

This NPR story, “Five Myths About Drinking Water,” is not alarmist at all. It’s very good, in fact. The myths are actual myths, not the usual “myths” that are debunked like “Sea water is salty because fishes fart salt. MYTH: NOT TRUE.” (Thanks, Dateline NBC!)

My friend Chris went to a workshop that simulated what it was like to suffer from schizophrenia. He wrote about the experience for The Washington Post. It’s an interesting read.

I just saw Super Size Me. Then, five minutes later, I read this news story. My, how things have changed.

Every weight-loss advertisement has a few, rail-thin people gushing about the amazing results of the product. “I lost 14 pounds in one week!” Then, on the crawl in small print: “Results may vary.”

You think they can go out on a limb and say, “Results will vary”? Or, “If our product actually has this effect on you, please see medical attention. You are about to die.” I want to see the weight-loss ad that has a woman saying, “I lost 14 pounds in one week!” and a team of EMTs storming in and strapping her to a gurney. “Dear God! Get this woman into the ICU. Move move move!”

Do you know what’s great about the bubonic plague? It’s the perfect comedy disease. One, it sounds funny. Two, no one has it anymore, so you don’t offend anyone by referencing it. You don’t offend someone’s mother, or grandfather, or great-grandfather. If you make a bubonic plague joke, no one is going to write you a letter saying:

“You sick bastard. My-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather’s uncle’s niece’s sister, who was raised by baboons and was shunned by the town for her enflamed buttocks during sexual heat, died of the bubonic plague. Or a broken heart. The historical record is fuzzy.

But the point it, she was like a great-great-great-great-great nephew to me. And the pain you caused by rhyming this blight on humanity with ‘Da Chronic’ can never be repaired.

Shame, shame. Also, Philharmonic Plague would make a great name for a band.

Sincerely,

Phineus P. Fitzgerald”

DOCTOR: I have some bad news.
PATIENT: What? What is it?
DOCTOR: There…there can only be one Highlander.
PATIENT: No. No! You’re joking. You have to be.
DOCTOR: I’m sorry. It is difficult news for any man.
PATIENT: Two enters, one leaves. Is that how it is?
DOCTOR: It is the law.
PATIENT: How much time do I have before…
DOCTOR: We should operate as soon as possible.
PATIENT: Dr. Dealgood, is there anything I could have done?
DOCTOR: I don’t know. Maybe a regular prostate exam. Maybe healthier eating. But sometimes these things just happen.
PATIENT: Will I feel any pain?
DOCTOR:
Pain is a gauze stretched and twisted around our bodies /
like ribbon and wrap over a last birthday present.
Steel skin and ice, a moon in the shape of a scythe.
Is your heart open? Will you feel pain?
PATIENT: Easy questions for a reaper.
DOCTOR: I prefer surgeon.
PATIENT: A poet would.

NPR had a story on male menopause today. Shouldn’t male menopause be called menopause, and female menopause called womenopause?

1. It’s no longer erectile dysfunction. It’s “ED.” Or, on the tube, a football being thrown again and again through a tire. “Have a problem with ED?” “You can get help for ED.” (Tip for guys: ladies love having their vaginas compared to an old tire.)

2. Levitra does not prevent against sexually transmitted diseases. This is not my bold declaration. That’s one of the disclaimers for Levitra. In fact, by its function, Levitra greatly enhances your risk of getting a sexual disease. It also increases your risk of poking someone’s eye out and allows you to play horseshoes anywhere. Like with ED.

3. Erectile dysfunction occurs when the heart is unable to pump enough blood into the penis. In these cases, the heart is also not pumping enough blood into the brain, arms, legs, and every other area of the body. Erectile dysfunction is an early warning sign of a heart disease. But don’t worry about that. Take the Levitra Challenge.

I love this article on why Wesley Clark rarely blinks. It takes a odd but small detail and views it through different disciplines to give an interesting look at his habit.

This probably wasn’t worth the time to create, but here it is.

How did that get in there?

Can’t government do anything right?