We live in an age of forgetting.
cybersquatter
Cybersquatter of the Day Update #3 (final)
Jan 30th
The response…
“Wow, now that’s a retirement letter!
We don’t have any positions but keep in touch!”
I will Igotmail.net. I will.
Cybersquatter of the Day Update #2
Jan 29th
I’m going to hell…I sent this email a few minutes ago (background here).
“TED LEONSIS IS A DICK!!!!
J. here again. I used my hotmail account so my boss wouldn’t find out my birthday surprise to the big guy. (The security department pervs here monitor all our email. One of the guys there is a real ASSAOLe: Always Ogling Ladies email.)
It turns out they were monitoring my Hotmail too! My boss gets my email to you guys and forwards it to Ted Leonsis (DICK!!!).
Then the dude calls me in his office! I’m expecting him to smack me down some happy rays for planning the surprise gift for him, But he looks all mad and constipated, like when the Caps lose. He says,
“Why were you planning on buying me, ‘www.igotmail.net’?”
“You know, cause it’s like ‘You got mail’ but better, because it’s you. I mean, I.”
He gets up and leans forward on his arms. “I make $55 million dollars a year. If I need a crappy domain name from a marginally talented ass-kisser, I’ll buy it myself.”
See? Complete DICK. He doesn’t even make sense. He can’t kiss his own ass.
If you’re wondering why I’m writing this at work from my hotmail account, it’s because I QUIT! Go ahead James, forward it to Mr. Leonsis. Forward it to the whole company. I don’t care. You’re worse than Sheryl and my good-for-nothing dog. And I slept with your wife.
LEONSIS, I hope Ollie the Goalie gets Colie Cancer.
So I guess I can’t buy the domain name, but I hope you have good luck selling it…TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WORK AT AOL.
Later,
Jason
P.S. Are you guys hiring? I’m really good at software programming. You know the AOL icon of the little person running? I wrote a script that makes him do jumping jacks.”
Cybersquatter of the Day Update #1
Jan 28th
“Hi Jason, regarding “igotmail.net”,
Go ahead and make us an offer and we will tell you if you are in the ballpark.
As soon as we receive payment (Paypal, Qchex, Visa or Mastercard) we will transfer it to you the same day.
Sincerely,
[ ] “
Cursed! They’re using the “Never make an offer first” tactic. What should I offer them? $100? A child? My love? Email me your suggestions. I’ll respond to them in a few days. Here’s how I delayed them:
“Need to run, dog kidnapped (thing with wife, long story). Sorry! Will make offer soon.”
Cybersquatter of the Day
Jan 28th
Igotmail.com
“Igotmail.com!
J-Dog here. You got mail and I got money! I’m a systems programmer at AOL in Virginia, trying to make it up the corporate ladder. It’s the big man’s birthday next week (Ted Leonsis) and I want to get him this domain name as a gift.
Here’s how I picture it. He starts AOL. The system goes, “You got mail.” He responds, “I got mail!” Then he reads my email: “And I got you a web site, big man!” Boom! I get a promotion and a raise more bloated than the betaware I’m programming.
How much are you selling the name for? Can you get it to me in a week or less? Respond quickly please!
Thanks,
Jason”
Note 1: I sent the above email to Igotmail.net because they openly beg for a buyer, while Igotmail.com is registered but unhosted.
Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day
Igotmale.com
As a gay man, I can attest to the lack of quality gay porn on the web. The same person is in all the shots: a hairless, vapid-looking, blonde-hair, blue-eyed lemur who looks like he was once a backup singer for Scorpions. I call him Chuck. Chuck is either lying on a satin pillow with his jeans unzipped or making love to Chuck II (Chuck with a dimple).
Occasionally, Chuck III will walk in on Chuck I and Chuck II, and, after getting over the shock (approximately seven seconds), join in the action. A few minutes, the camera jiggles, and—in what may be an impromptu move—the camera operator, Chuck IV (Chuck I in a brown wig and two dimples) enters the frame.
There just aren’t enough gay people to make good quality porn. We even have to recruit from the straight community. You may have heard of “gay for pay”, straight actors performing in homoerotic videos because it pays better than straight porn.
While I am heartened that some straight people can set their homophobia aside long enough to have their dick sucked for $500, I still hope that pornographers overcome their resistance to investing in the gay market and bring the same sense of competition and professionalism they have brought to the straight porn community. Because what really matters is the porn. And equality in the military, workplace, professional and college sports, marriage, and the media.
Note 2: If the vague images of homosexual sex made you uncomfortable, you can erase those disturbing images be rereading that passage “straightified” (I replaced the Chucks with names of beautiful women).
“As a gay man, I can attest to the lack of quality gay porn on the web. The same person is in all the shots: a hairless, vapid-looking, blonde-hair, blue-eyed lemur who looks like he was once a backup singer for Scorpions. I call him Chuck. Chuck is either lying on a satin pillow with his jeans unzipped or making love to Tia Carrere (Chuck with a dimple).
Occasionally, Sara Michelle Geller will walk in on Chuck I and Tia Carrere, and, after getting over the shock (approximately seven seconds), join in the action. A few minutes, the camera jiggles, and—in what may be an impromptu move—the camera operator, your Grandmother (Chuck I in a brown wig and two breasts down to her knees) enters the frame.”
Have a good night sleep.
CotD
Jan 24th
Cybersquatter of the Day
www.ihatehate.com
Like the morals of a drunk man, I’m wiggling on my definition of a cybersquatter for today’s site. Ihatehate.com has a web page, but it hasn’t been updated since January 9, 2002 (“Today’s hits: 1”.)
I think this is just a matter of marketing. I for one am strongly anti-hate hate. The only thing I hate more than hate is people who don’t hate hate. I hate hate so much that I may even register today’s Domain Name Gem of the Day…
Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day
www.ihatehatemorethanihatehatehateshate.com
Sure, you hate hate. But how MUCH do you hate hate? Ihatehate.com hates hate, and if you want to distinguish yourself, I don’t think ireallyhatehate.com is going to do it. Separate your site from the anti-hate pack. Register www.ihatehatemorethanihatehatehateshate.com today.
Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day
Jan 23rd
Money.com is taken (CNN).
MoneyMoney.com is taken (Yahoo-lite).
So is MoneyMoneyMoney.com (erotic photographer). As well as MoneyMoneyMoneyMoney.com (spam site)
But the aggregate of fools knows as Internet users have left MoneyMoneyMoneyMoneyMoney.com up for grabs. That’s FIVE times the money for the same price of Money.com. You could trade MoneyMoneyMoneyMoneyMoney.com for Money.com, MoneyMoney.com, and still have two moneys left over. How can you pass that up?
CotD
Jan 23rd
Cybersquatter of the Day: ILovePancakes.com
I’ll let you know if I get a response.
“Hi,
I noticed that you registered the site ilovepancakes.com. I love pancakes too! Are you planning on starting a web site under that name? Please do not sell out to any companies (e.g. Bisquick, IHOP) that can exploit the good nature of our griddle cakes. ESPECIALLY IHOP. Have you seen their web site? On their front page, they have an army of cloned pancakes. It’s like the Pancakes from Brazil. I feel like drawing little Hitler mustaches on them. Is that wrong?
Jason Walther”
New Feature!
Jan 22nd
Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day
Along with the “Cybersquatter of the Day” (see below), I’ll also post an “Unclaimed Domain Name Gem of the Day”. These domain names are hot, incredibly desirable names that are unexplainably not registered. If you register any of these domain names and then make a killing reselling it, I ask that you donate part of the profits to this site.
Today’s Domain Name: HorseOnHorseAction.com.
As we all know, everyone loves pictures of women having sex with horses. But what many people do not know is that according to a recent MediaMatrix study, 83% of horse sex site visitors attend the sites for the horses.
The reasoning is that there are millions of free pictures of gorgeous, 70% naturally-beautiful women on the web. A muscular, statuesque horse engaged in sex though is as rare and beautiful as a rainbow humping land after a spring shower. Seventy-six percent of the people interviewed in the study admitted to regularly editing the women out of the images in Photoshop and replacing them with their favorite mare or gelding. The other 7% said they covered one eye and used the power of their imagination.
Pornographers, notoriously cautious and easily startled, have only trotted towards this trend. Currently registered sites include HorseOnGirlAction.com, HorseOnGirlAndMaybeHorseTooAction.com, and PerhapsYouWouldLikeHorseOnHorseAction?.com. The more blunt and risky HorseOnHorseAction.com is unclaimed.
This is your chance to blaze a trail to success. Register HorseOnHorseAction.com today.
(I can’t wait until the search engines pick this post up.)
Addendum: Actually, I can wait. Dear God, what is wrong with people? I have learned too much already about the sexual fantasies of strangers.
New Feature
Jan 22nd
Cybersquatter of the Day
Every day, I’ll post a domain name registered (but not used) by an idealistic entrepreneur who is waiting for the day when society catches up with his vision.
Today’s Domain Name: MyBallsItch.com. God bless you, MyBallsItch.com. For one day, men will follow your lead and gain the courage to talk about their itchy balls.
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