We live in an age of forgetting.
comedy
Today in Comedy History
Jan 27th
Apple’s unveiled its tablet device, the IPad, today. If you haven’t read about its features yet, here’s a summary: it’s a giant IPhone. Without the phone part.
I’ve already seen several people point out that “ITampon is a trending topic on Twitter ha ha ha”. Ha ha ha indeed. Here’s the real ha ha part: ITampon is the parody of a name that’s was originally a parody of a name.
A few years ago, MAD TV spoofed the IPod in a skit about a feminine hygiene product called the “IPad.” Ha ha ha! What a silly name. That could never become the real name of a product.
So please, Internet. No ITampon parodies. Because a few years from now, Steve Jobs is going to release an ITampon, and then you’ll be screwed.
Update: Of course, now MADTV is a trending topic on Twitter. I give up.
Funnier in Print This Time
Oct 3rd
I haven’t had time to think of how this will affect the Grand Unified Theory of Comedy. I noticed that in the Katie Couric interviews, watching Palin’s responses were funnier than reading the transcripts.
In the VP debate, watching her wasn’t as funny as usual, but reading what she said the day after is pretty amusing. Take part of her answer on a question about education:
“Say it ain’t so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced [sic] your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let’s look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. You mentioned education and I’m glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right?
I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more. I come from a house full of school teachers. My grandma was, my dad who is in the audience today, he’s a schoolteacher, had been for many years. My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher in the year, and here’s a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate.”
If my observation is correct, what I think is going on is two things. One, Sarah Palin is like someone running on a log in a lake. She’s constantly trying not to fall in and the spectacle is mesmerizing to watch. It’s hard to pay attention to what she says when at every moment it looks like she is about to fall in. Watching clips of the debate again the day after with the suspense gone, it’s easier to pay attention to what she said.
Two, I think the SNL skits created a Tina Fey\Sarah Palin voice in everyone’s heads that recesses when Palin speaks but lives free when reading a transcript of her speaking. It adds a little humor to reading her statements.
(Update: Another example)
Obama’s Best Surrogate: Chris Rock?
Sep 29th
Chris Rock has some funny lines in this interview he did with Larry King. He just came out with an HBO special that I am looking forward to seeing.
Down With Bears! Vote Colbert!
Oct 17th
Steven Colbert is running for President! In one state. I’m moving to South Carolina to vote for him. For one, he’s the only Presidential candidate who understands the danger bears pose to our homes, our families, and our way of life. I’m looking at you, Sugar Bear. Two…there is no two. Bears are the gravest threat to humanity in the world. Reason number one is reason number enough to vote for Steven Colbert.
Colbert’s presidential announcement
Update: Uh oh. He’s already involved in his first scandal.
Four Stages of Pop Culture Savviness; Turtles
Jul 30th
Four Levels of Pop Culture Savviness
An arbitrary list, although nowhere near as arbitrary as most of the lists, or anchors, on VH1 shows.
1. You find out about the latest trends directly.
2. You find out about the latest trends from your hipster friends. Not that anyone in this stage uses the word hipster.
3. You read about the latest trends from television shows or newspaper articles.
4. You see headlines about the latest trends from newspaper articles or your kids, and don’t care enough to pay attention.
I have sunk to level 3. I was never cool enough to be at level 1. Level 2 used to be my home, but now my friends have adult lives and must not have time to keep up. For how else to explain the lack of notice about the “I Love Turtles” kid?
I heard of him from my new source of coolness, The Washington Post Style section (article link). The story is one of the WP’s semi-annual “What hath the Internet wrought?”pieces.
I fear though that I am on the beginning of spiral to level 4, a abysmal pit sheltered and disconnected from anything cool. I don’t get the I Love Turtles kid. The only thing humorous about it is that it vaguely echoes the “I Didn’t Do It” episode of the Simpsons.
If that doesn’t sound cranky enough (level 3 people have gobs of self-awareness, clinging to it as our way of staying the irreversable descent into uncoolness), here is why I don’t think the clip is funny, at least on the first viewing: it’s too fast.
There isn’t enough time to let the mind process the absurdity of the situation and laugh. It’s a 20-second joke compressed into 17-seconds. Watch it first, then imagine the clip with a pause after the reporter asks him the question, and another pause after the boy answers. Old Man Walther would find that funnier.
That’s why I enjoyed the description in the article more than the video. The article teases and extends the funny details of the video that fly by upon the first viewings. The timing of the video may also be why it became a viral video. The details fly by so fast that one may have to watch it several times to find it funny, incorporating another detail into the jokework after each viewing until they gain a familiarly in the mind so we can process everything all in one moment and laugh.
If you watch the video once and didn’t think much of it, watch it a dozen times and let me know if/when it becomes funny.
There are a few mashups of the video, which I find funnier than the original, partially because the timing is expanded. The Bill O’Reilly interview is one of the funny ones.
Trashy Celebs
Jun 12th
Two friends of mine, Amy and Lori, have a very funny blog called Trashy Celebs. Where else are you going to find headlines like “Joey Lawrence’s Man Boobs are Blossoming?”
DC Comedy Fest 07 and WoW
Apr 14th
The DC Comedy Fest started last Thursday and ends tonight. I volunteered to take tickets and got a nifty T-shirt and a staff badge. On the badge is the customary comedy festival “I have to pee” icon, with the American flag waving proudly in the background. “Oh, say can you see…” Every time I see that bladder controlled-challenged, unisex hermaphrodite, a tear wells up in my eye. God bless comedy.
Watching stand-up comedy makes me long to get back into the scene and regret the time I wasted away playing computer games alone at home. I got sucked into World of Warcraft, a popular online game, for the past two months.
This is true: I have a half-written post about WoW making fun of the game, while I was playing it during a trial period. I didn’t finish the game because midway through writing it my rogue reached level 20 and got the ability to apply poison to his blade. Then me and a raiding party killed Lord Meneon, and after a successful greed roll on the loot, I got the Tunic of Westfall, and then Lady Elvira flew down on her magical Griffin, and…
I need help. Help rescuing the Prince of Stormwind, who was absconded by a band of bandits and taken to…
No! I need real help. This game is addicting, and I have no self-control. This is also true: I canceled my account over a month ago because I felt I was wasting my life away on the game. On my last paid day, I killed a Feral Rage Scar Yeti (just keeping it real, people). and the monster drops an extremely rare, 1 in 10,000 chance sword. It’s the WoW equivalent of kicking a bear and having the Hope Diamond pop out of its ass. Well, maybe I can renew for one more month…
Days later, I was killing Primal Oozes while yelling, “You ooze, you lose!” I got a few game pets, a cat (named him Dog), a bear (Unbearable), a boar (I’mBoard), and a crab (CrabbyMcClaws).
A few weeks after that, the start-up screen hint started displaying, “Do everything in moderation, even World of Warcraft!” You know there’s a problem when your computer tells you to take it easy.
I got to the point yesterday where I opened up the parent control panel and limited my play time during the week. 10 p.m.-12 a.m. on weekdays, early in the morning on weekends to motivate me to get up and after 10 on weekends so I’m not tempted to stay home and play.
It’s working well so far. Technically, there is nothing stopping me from disabling the restriction, but that extra step is enough for now to get me to stop. If I find myself slipping back, I’m going to put a random password in the Parental Control account so the change will be permanent.
Which means I’ll be writing more posts, and doing other creative activities like taking photos and posting them on my Flickr account. Even if this break ends up being short-lived, a small break is better than no break. Which is also the motto of my Orc character, Sir ThugALot.
Random Roundup
Jan 4th
- I haven’t read it yet, but I glanced through Dave Barry’s “2006 Year in Review” column. The Washington Post Magazine highlighted some of the sentences in yellow. Look, I like Dave Barry, but highlighting a Dave Barry joke is like putting glitter on a stripper.
- I’m writing a few proposals to companies about my ideas for new products. One of them is to Hostess, for “Hostess $$ugh Balls.” A box of miniature doughnut balls. Most of them are filled with a delicious lemon custard, but a few are filled with real dough!
I’m picturing on the box the Twinkie Cowboy kicking his heels while holding two fistfuls of cash dough. This is the only relation cash has to the product. The winning balls will just be filled with regular dough, so not only will the consumer be confused, she will also be disappointed, as the regular doughnut balls are inferior to the custard-filled one.
- Ever since the advent of cell phones, I have been tempted to ride up and down in an elevator and have fake phone conversations when people walk in.
“He’s all whiny, like ‘You can’t fire me, I have cancer.’ So I tell him, ‘No. What you have is no job. Now get out of here, baldy.’ What? [...] Well, he wasn’t completely bald. But he was going to get there in a few weeks, so I went with it.’ “
“How should I know where to put the body?” [notices other riders] “Hey, call me back in a few minutes.” [...] “I’m in an elevator.” [...] “They didn’t hear anything.” [...] “Are you crazy? I’m not killing someone else.” [...] “They’re not even on the elevator anymore.” [mouths to other riders, run]
The Washington D.C. version of "You Know You’re A Redneck When…"
May 25th
You know your legal defense is is trouble when…
Your supporters defend you by using a video clip from the Colbert Report.
SM Looking for SN. No smokers, please.
May 5th
A Ninja Pays Half My Rent (thanks Chad). A short, funny, work-friendly movie.
You know, the appellation work-friendly is misused. I’ve seen web log entries like: “This 35-minute movie is hilarious! Best of all, it’s work friendly.”
Actually, a 35-minute movie is very work unfriendly. In fact, it is the antithesis to work, unless your computer is powered by a treadmill or needs to play videos to run Excel. The movie may be inoffensive, except that there are probably a few people in your office who get offended watching your lazy ass indulge in net videos and other time wasters, while they’re stuck at their computers, work piled up around their monitors, and forced to play Solitaire.
Before the graveyard…
Mar 9th
I wrote a skit and later realized that the premise is inherently flawed. The premise is that Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and a helium balloon are competing for the 2005 Gasbag of the Year Award.
Funny idea, right? But it didn’t work, and several drafts and comments from friends later I’ve come to realize that the premise has contradictions in itself that make it almost impossible to convert into a great skit.
I’m still working the contradictions out, but one of several that I thought of so far is that I’m trying to parody two things at the same time: the personalities of Rush Limbaugh/Bill O’Reilly, and right-wing talk radio. Writing skits with more than one subject just doesn’t work.
There is also the choice of the game show format, which requires lots of short responses, and trying to parody Limbaugh and O’Reilly, which I believe requries them to speak for several sentences at a time.
It’s an odd notion to me–that a skit can be flawed just because of a poor structure. I’ve always worked under the idea that in sketch writing, what is important is how the concept is done, not the concept itself. That a truly creative person could find a way to make any premise work. Now I think the premise is at least as important as the writing, possibly more so.
Okay, enough self-absorption. Here’s the skit. You may find it amusing, may not.
HOST: “Welcome to the finals of the 2005 American Gasbag Competition. I’m Chuck Sewer. By the end of this night, one of these three talk show hosts will be America’s Gasbag of the Year. Let’s meet the finalists.”
HOST: “A titan of radio and TV, and guardian of the No-Spin Zone: Bill O’Reilly.”
O’REILLY: “I’m going to lecture you like I’ve never lectured before.”
HOST: “Always right, never wrong, he puts the left where they belong. Rush Limbaugh.”
LIMBAUGH yanks out a bottle of pills and tosses back the whole bottle. As the pills fall, he snaps at them like a mad dog tearing at a piece of meat. Most of the pills miss his face and fall on the floor.
HOST: “And give it up to our returning champion, helium balloon!
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE.”
O’REILLY: “Hey!”
HOST: [laughing] “No win zone, indeed. First up is the lighting round. You will be given a series of topics. Whoever makes the most outrageous statement about it wins. Hands to the buzzer!
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE.”
HOST: “Just vibrate then. First topic. ACLU.”
O’REILLY: [buzzer] “Hitler would be a card-carrying ACLU member.”
LIMBAUGH: [buzzer] “Hitler? If Hitler had sex with Satan, their baby would be President of the ACLU.”
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE.”
HOST: “Judges? Helium balloon by a nose!”
RIMBAUGH: “Come on! Who are the judges, the New York Times?”
HOST: “Sorry Rush, but two-headed Hitler-Satan baby that pees evil is the winner. Next topic: The Clintons.”
LIMBAUGH: Last week, Hillary Clinton had sex with the two-headed Hitler-Satan baby, “Hitlan”.
O’REILLY: “Then she brought a catapult to Iraq and flung aborted babies at our troops.
HOST: “Wow. Helie is stunned squeak-less. Well, let’s see who the judges [sees Balloon shaking] Yes?
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE.”
O’REILLY: [angry] “Mmph!”
HOST: “Ohhhhhh, my! Can you say that about a woman and a water hose? Another one for H.B. Final topic: the torture at Abu Ghraib.”
LIMBAUGH: “It’s amazing to me how outraged the libs are about this “scandal.” I mean, you ever hear of needing to release some steam?
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE-EEEE.
O’Reilly thinks for a moment.
O’REILLY: “EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE-EEE.”
HOST: “This round: O’Reilly!”
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE.”
LIMBAUGH: “Yeah, he just repeated what he said!”
HOST: “Welcome to the right-wing echo chamber, guys.”
O’REILLY: [mocking contestants with echo] “You suck…you suck…you suck…”
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE-EEE.”
O’REILLY: [covering his chest] “You smear merchant!”
HOST: [laughing] “Oh, Helie. I’m sure O’Reilly has the same number of nipples as everyone else. Let’s check the leader board. H.B. is on top with 20, O’Reilly has 10 and Rush is dead last with 0.”
HOST: “Next is the all-important skills competition. Your task today is to get our mystery guest to shut up as fast as possible. Let’s bring him out. Coming all the way from a back alley behind the CVS down the street. It’s…a homeless person.”
ELDERLY MAN creeps on stage with cane.
ELDERLY PERSON: “You told me you had food.”
HOST: “That’s hilarious! Bill, you’re first. Go!”
ELDERLY PERSON: “Dear sir, do you have any food?”
O’REILLY: “Who is this joker?”
ELDERLY PERSON: “I’m elderly and cold.”
O’REILLY: “Somebody shut his mike off.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “I’m so hungry. I wish I had a doughnut.”
O’REILLY: ” Listen, buddy. You’re in the No Spin zone. The only thing you’re eating is the truth.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “Can I have gravy with the truth?”
O’REILLY: “That’s it. Cut his mike. This interview is over. I’m not going to dress you down anymore, out of respect for your father.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “My father’s 93. He was a pirate. Where is the food? I’m–(mouths rest of sentence)
HOST: “34 seconds! That might be good enough for first place. The mike cut-off comes through again.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “But my name is Henry.”
HOST: “Isn’t he adorable? Rush, you’re next. You’ll need to be 34 seconds for a chance to win. Go!”
LIMBAUGH: “Woah, woah, woah. Hold on here. What on God’s Earth is a “homeless” person?”
HOST: “It’s a person without a home.”
LIMBAUGH: “Well, what’s he doing here? Tell him to go home.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “Can I have an orange?”
HOST: “He can’t. He’s homeless.”
LIMBAUGH: “Huh?”
HOST: “He’s HOME-less.”
LIMBAUGH: [long pause] “I don’t get it.”
HOST: “Mmm…I’m going to have to disqualify you. Sorry, Rush.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “I have scurvy.”
HOST: “Maybe our reigning champion can help you out. Helie, are you ready?”
BALLOON: “EEE-EEE.”
HOST: “Go!”
ELDERLY PERSON: “My stomach is eating itself.”
BALLOON: ” EEE-EEE.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “Really? You will?
BALLOON: ” EEE-EEE.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “Thank you! He’s going to buy me dinner.”
BALLOON: ” EEE-EEE.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “You love me?
BALLOON: ” EEE-EEE.”
ELDERLY PERSON: “[tears up] Oh! You want to give me a hug! Thank you! It’s been so long.
BALLOON: ” EEE-EEE.”
ELDERLY PERSON shuffles over to balloon. When he grasps the balloon for a hug, it attacks the elderly man, beating him senseless.
ELDERLY PERSON: “AHH! AHH!”
HOST: “[horrified] Helie. You…killed him. In cold blood. You just killed him…and beat out O’Reilly time with 33 sec.! Helium Balloon retains his crown! This has been the 2005 American Gas Bag Competition. Good night!
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