We live in an age of forgetting.
cat
Pet Care Corner
Feb 2nd
My sister’s cat George became ill and had to go to the emergency room. They gave her an estimate for the tests, and he was diagnosed with a heart condition. The bill was around $2,000. I asked my Mom what she would do if it cost a few thousand dollars to treat Black Cat. She said, “Black Cat will go in a Black Bag.”
My Mom cracks me up.
Animal Hodgepodge
Jan 20th
* I didn’t know until a few years ago that milk gives many cats digestion problems. What I want to know is how the stereotype “Cats like milk” got started without the stereotype “Cats like diarrhea.” Our children’s picture books with images of cats lapping milk from saucers are missing an important part of the story.
* I’m sleeping over at someone’s house for a few nights, taking care of their dog, Mickey. He has developed a new technique for waking me up. It’s called using his paw as a mallet and whacking me repeatedly in the head with it. Effective.
* I use Mickey’s owner’s laptop when I spend the night with him. On previous visits, I spent hours trying to figure out why the sound wouldn’t work. Muted? Driver issue? BIOS setting? I finally figured it out: volume knob on the front of the computer. This is the most embarrassing technology mistake of my life. I used to be a computer science major, people! I sucked at it and switched majors, but still. It’s difficult to watch myself slowly transform into my Mom.
Hey, Cat
Dec 20th
I told my Mom’s cat, Black Cat, that “Grandma Tuna” is going on a vacation and leaving her behind. She was not happy.
(Note: My Mom is back now. I do not have a reunion shot, but if you can imagine an overweight cat gorging her face with tuna, that’s pretty much it.)
Things My Mom Tells the Cat Which Are Not True
Feb 16th
1. You can’t be mean to people all the time.
2. You’re not the boss of this house.
3. You just had tuna, you can’t have any more tuna.
4. Are you ready for your manicure and pedicure? You are going to love it.
Get Off My Milk, Cat
Jan 28th
I brought a bowl of yogurt and some milk to my room. Look who comes walking in right after. Cat.
CAT: “What’cha eating there?”
ME: “Nothing.”
CAT: “Looks like milk.”[begins licking his lips]
ME: “Bounce back, cat, or you’re getting wetter than a llama wool sweater.”
CAT: “That doesn’t make any sense.”
ME: “I will put you in a red llama wool sweater, take photos of you, dunk you in a bathtub, take more photos of you, and then put the photos next to each other with the caption, “Before/After Cat Touched My Milk.”
CAT: “Gotcha.”
Cat left to stare out the bay window. I don’t want the rest of my milk, so I’m going to call Cat to my bathroom and then pour it down the sink in front of him. He needs to get the message.
Cat Cam Update
Jan 12th
Last month, I wrote about my idea to attach a video camera to my roommate’s cat. If I got that working, Stage 2 would be to stream the video to myroommatescat.com and make Internet millions.
I regret to report that the unlikely is unlikely to get off the ground.
Preparations started off well. The camera was lighter than I expected and had a mounting hook that would fit snugly under his collar. The wire was long, but that would be easy to bundle up or tuck into the Cat Cam vest.
Also, I have slowly gained the cat’s trust over the past few months by pretending to be nice to it. My slow, soothing strokes lulled him into a complacency that will allow me to get close enough to attach the camera and fitted vest when needed.
The major problem is the wired-to-wireless USB transmitter, which I would need to transmit the camera data to my computer, is about $100. It’s too much money to spend on a Joke that may not even work well if I bought the transmitter.
A $30-$40 transmitter may tempt me, or better yet, a wireless cam for that much. But until then, Syntax the Cat will remain so and we will have to wait another day for Syntax the Borg (after the camera, I wanted to attach a red laser to his forehead and rig it to scan the floor for mice. Not that this lazy cat would bother to catch one once it was spotted.)
Cat Camera
Dec 4th
So Woot.com had a web cam special a few days ago, a pack of 2 for $13 + $5 shipping. After I pass off a few to my family so we can talk on Skype, I’ll have an extra one and I’ve been thinking about what I should use it for.
Then it hit me: Cat Cam. My roommate has a cat, Syntax. Maybe I can figure out a way to attach the camera to Syntax and convert him into a mobile video reporter.
I waited until he came in my room and then grabbed my camera to take some profile shots of him–side, front, top–for the schematics. “Syntax, I need to take some photos of you.”
Maybe there was a devilish tone in my voice when I said that, because he bolted out of my room, something he hasn’t done since my last cat-related idea, “I wonder if cats like belly rubs?” I followed him to the hallway, but he wouldn’t stand still for me to get a good photo. I snapped a few photos of him butt and him peeking his head out around the corner, and gave up.
My roommate Meghan is an artist so maybe she can draw a sketch of him for my blueprints. Although she loves cats so she will probably draw him holding a bunch of daffodils in his paws or resting peacefully in a little girl’s arms, something he would never do in real life, unless the little girl was dipped in a vat of cat nip beforehand.
The next step was to figure out his length and width for the camera vest that will hold the camera. I don’t know if this cat spent some time in certain parts of China, but he became very suspicious when I brought out the measuring tape. He started off 18″ long, then curled into 10″, then went under my legs. Maybe Meghan can measure him when she draws a sketch of him for me (WITHOUT DAFFODILS!).
I don’t know yet how I will make the camera vest. All I know is that I want it to be something that I can take off quickly for times when his owner, my other roommate, comes home unexpectedly.
Another issue is figuring out how to convert the wired USB web cam into a wireless web cam that will broadcast the data to my computer. I will probably need a battery pack too, and perhaps an exoskeleton. This cat is kind of a wimp. I don’t think he can carry all of this equipment without some 21st-century assistance.
I haven’t even got the cameras yet, so this is still the planning stage. Another issue is that some of the extra equipment may be expensive, and I’m not sure it’s worth it. This cat isn’t very interesting. He spends most of his time on my roommate’s bed. Occasionally he’ll run downstairs and stand in front of the bay window to see if his friend\enemy Neighborhood Cat is outside. But he’s no outdoor cat, so even if I get this project running, he’s just going to show me the same house I’ve seen before. “Hey, look! It’s the stairs no one sweeps except me. How exciting.” (Zing! Passive aggressiveness.)
I’ll explore the idea for a few weeks though. If you have any suggestions on where I can get a wireless USB adapter or anything else, let me know.
Deal update: You can get one of the cameras I mentioned for $8, shipping included. Better than what I paid for it. The deal will probably die in a day. (link)
Syntax the Cat
Oct 15th
My roommate, David, left town for a week. I told his cat, Syntax, that David abandoned him and doesn’t love him anymore, and he should start hanging out with me. I don’t know if he understand English, so I was signing at the same time. He got the message. He’s lying in front of my keyboard right now.
When David moved in, he said that Syntax knows how to open doors. That’s not entirely true. Syntax knows how to reach up and jiggle the door handle until you get so annoyed that you open the door for him. I say “God damnit, cat!” about once a day.
Cute Cat for Adoption
Apr 27th
Michele and Evan are moving to Hong Kong in a month, and can’t take their cat, George. He’s friendly, house-trained, and very playful. This is the feline in action. If you live in NYC or DC and want to give this cute cat a warm home, let me know.
George, You Lost a Fan
Feb 11th
Mom visited Michele over the weekend. One of Michele’s cats, George, lost a lot of favor with Mom.
PRE-VISIT MOM: “I like George. He’s so friendly and playful. He’s much nicer than Black Cat.”
POST-VISIT MOM: [direct quote] “I’m going to put George in a cannon and shoot him.”
I’m not sure what George did, but it sounds like the Tuna Train got permanently derailed.
Dogs vs. Cats
Jun 17th
I found a link to a Vancouver travel site in the “Failed Referrers” section of my web page stats. It’s a list of broken links that people are trying to reach, mostly missing photos that didn’t get transferred when I switched web hosts.
A few dozen people have been unsuccessfully trying to find a photo that used to be on my web site. I clicked the link to see what Vancouver wanted from Pancake City.
Surprise #1: The link, to a message board discussion, had nothing to do with travel or Vancouver. It was a long, angry argument on which was better, cats or dogs.
Surprise #2: It was absolutely hilarious.
I searched Google’s cache to see the photo they were trying to find. It was of a cat holding a sniper rifle while perched in a window sill.
I was going to post snippets of the discussion, but the first half-page is so funny that you have to read the whole thing.
“Get back to the thread DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS!!!!”
Pretty Cute Kitty…
Dec 23rd
One of the Wii Kitties.
I have a lot of things I want to write about, but if I don’t write them down soon, I’m going to forget them. Notes for myself:
sake, Mom’s Christmas tree, family comments, podcast, bad dog, james bond, robot chicken, “let the cat out of the bag”, poop bag review
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