A message from President Obama.
Wednesday
I want to clarify my remarks earlier today about Las Vegas. When I said that responsible people don’t “blow a bunch of cash in Vegas when you’re trying to save for college,” I was just making the point that families use vacation dollars, not college tuition money, to have fun. There is no place better to have fun than Vegas, one of our country’s great destinations.
Your prostitutes though, whoa. I have traveled in all 50 states of this great Union, and let me tell you, your whores deserve their own special place on the Skank-O-Meter. Ladies of Las Vegas, it is time to listen to modern medicine: no amount of lip gloss can cover up cold sores and mustaches.
Thursday
I want to clarify my remarks earlier yesterday about Las Vegas’ working ladies. My observations were based on stereotypes, not personal experience, and were therefore unfair. I am sure they are as pure as the driven snow, and as your mayor said, “One of the most amazing lays you can ever have.”
Friday
I want to clarify a quote I repeated from your mayor yesterday. His statement in regards to Las Vegas’ companion community was not made directly to me. I overheard Mayor Goodman talking to a friend while using an adjacent bathroom stall. He was not aware of my presence, and it was wrong of me to repeat his quote. Also, the Mayor has told me he was not speaking from personal experience and was just relaying common knowledge to a potential investor. Heh heh. Wonder what he wanted to invest.
Saturday
I want to clarify a comment I made yesterday regarding prostitution and investing. The sexual innuendo was unintended. The media reports that I later said, “I think I know what he wanted to deposit” is not only completely false but offensive, as it’s essentially the same joke and I don’t make the same joke twice.
Sunday
After an offhand comment I made yesterday, many people have pointed out examples where I made a same or similar joke two or more times. Here with me is my chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, with the official White House response.
EMANUEL: “You’re all fucking retarted!”
Thank you, and good day.
