I need to write a letter to Quaker Instant Oats. Their packaging is a lie. It’s not instant at all. What’s worse, they don’t even need to lie. Two-minute oatmeal is amazing enough.

“So let me get this straight. All I have to do is empty the contents of this package into a bowl, pour hot water on it, and in two minutes I’ll have breakfast? And I don’t even need to stir it? Woah!”