“Timetable? No, he meant mime stable. Gotta put them somewhere.”
Note from a lazy person:
So the events referenced below happened a week ago, last Tuesday I believe. I thought of the idea for the skit when I woke up Wednesday morning. Knowing the rapid news cycle made speed an absolute necessity in implementing my idea, I went back to bed. Saturday morning, when the already obscure story has safely faded from national gestalt, I typed it up.
Before I hit publish, I realized while it may have been funny enough for Wednesday when the idea was fresh in people’s minds, it wasn’t funny enough for Saturday. I had an idea on how to make it funnier, but I had to leave for the day. “I’ll write it on Sunday.”
So it’s Sunday. I sit down to write and realize that extra day screwed everything up. My Saturday idea, which was funny for Saturday, wasn’t Sunday funny. It would have killed on Wednesday and worked on Saturday, but it wasn’t enough for Sunday. Shit. I need a new idea. Better think of something and get cracking on Monday.
To make a long story non-short, it’s Tuesday, I’m about to leave for a trip, and I give up. My Monday evening idea of acting it out with a puppet show isn’t going to happen. For what it’s worth, here it is, my Wednesday-quality Saturday skit, on Tuesday:
*****
White House Press Conference
JULY 08, 2008
PERINO: “And with that, we’ll take questions.”
Q: “Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki suggested yesterday that a timetable be set for the departure of U.S. forces in order for a security agreement to be extended between the U.S. and Iraq. The White House has long opposed any timetable for withdrawing troops, claiming that such a move would energize the enemy and lead to defeat. What’s the White House’s response?”
PERINO: “Our response is that Prime Minsiter al-Maliki didn’t ask for a time table yesterday.”
Q: “Uh, yes he did. I read the transcript.”
PERINO: “We believe it was a translation error.”
Q: “What? That’s ridiculous. You’re not dealing with reality.”
PERINO: “I’m having trouble understanding you. Al-Bayesh, could you translate?”
TRANSLATOR: “He said you’re doing a great job, and keep up the good work.”
PERINO: “Thanks! Next question.”
Q: “If it turns out that the Iraqi government wants U.S. troops to withdraw on a timetable, will the Bush administration reverse their opposition and support the Iraqi government?”
PERINO: “That’s a good question.”
Q: “And?”
PERINO: “Next question.”
Q1: “Oh, come on.”
Reporters loudly grumble and protest. Perino frantically motions to her aide and raises her voice to be heard.
PERINO: “Okay, looks like we have a surprise visit from a special friend. Who wants to say hi to…Senator McCain!
Reports excitedly titter.
Q: “McCain, McCain!”
McCain: “Hello, boys and girls.”
The press corp shyly giggles.
McCain: “I have a special treat for you. Who likes doughnuts?”
The press corp begins shrieking and jumping up and down.
Q: “I do, I do!”
AP REPORTER: “Do you have sprinkles?”
MCCAIN: “Of course I do, Lisa.”
PERINO [whispers] “Thanks.”
PERINO slinks out of room as the reporters sit down cross-legged and wait for McCain to tell them stories.
Mike said,
July 26, 2008 @ 4:50 am
Well today, after skirting justice from Congress for 7.5 long years, the Bush administration had no where to hide… The media, after 7.5 years of reporting only what the administration leaked, was no longer distracted… Today, finally, was the day Democracts, their staffers, and numerous government watchdog agencies have been preparing for: to once and for all make the case to IMPEACH BUSH!
Note: 1. the Bush administration invoked executive privilege and cited that the Democracts were not authorized to hold impeachment proceedings against the administration; 2. the news reporters writing about the hearing could simply reprint a column they wrote at some point over the past few years that contains the same arguments raised again and again; 3. the American citizens following Campaign ‘08 were much more interested in what Obama was having for lunch while in France; 4. the person leading the impeachment charge was Dennis Kucinich, who even Democrats don’t take very seriously.