Pancake City

I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to 3 of 4 and 4 of 4. Anyway, here is #2.

Whirlwind Relationship

CHARACTERS

MICHAEL
KAITLYN
PRIEST
JUDGE
RUDOLPHO
MOVERS 1 AND 2

Michael and Kaitlyn are sitting on a couch, each holding a glass of wine. They are flirtatious and a little awkward.

KAITLYN: “I usually don’t come inside on the first date.”
MICHAEL: “I usually don’t invite dates in on the first night. Look, I don’t want to sound cheesy or go too fast. But I think you are really special.”
KAITLYN: “You know what? We should get married.”
MICHAEL: [laughs] “Why not? To marriage!”

They clink glasses. KAITLYN removes a rag from her purse and covers MICHAEL’s nose with it. MICHAEL yelps in surprise and briefly struggles before passing out. KAITLYN pulls a wedding veil out of her purse and puts it on. She then gets her cellphone out and makes a call.

KAITLYN: “He’s ready.”

MICHAEL, beginning to wake up, moans. KAITLYN wraps his arm around her shoulder and half-carries him across the room. He stumbles along, groggily.

A priest enters the room and stands in front of them.

PRIEST: “Do you, Kaitlyn, take Michael to be your husband, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
KAITLYN: “I do!””
PRIEST: ” “Do you, Michael, take Kaitlyn to be your wife, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
MICHAEL: [groggy] “Wha…?”
KAITLYN: “Say ‘I do’.”
MICHAEL: “I do?”

PRIEST: “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

KAITLYN: “Oh, Michael!”
MICHAEL: “What’s going on?”

Kaitlyn starts passionately kissing Michael, shoving him backwards in the process. She then pushes him down behind the couch [away from the viewer] and jumps on top of him. His dress shirt, T-shirt, and pants fly in the air. Michael makes a few weak protestations at first. Soon they are both moaning rapidly and come to climax. The whole process takes about 15 seconds. Michael climbs up from behind the couch, shirtless and his hair tussled.

MICHAEL: “Wow! I…That was amazing. [Kaitlyn, her hair a bit messy and her clothes still on, begins crying] What’s wrong?”
KAITLYN: “Michael, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say this. I’ve…been cheating on you. Rudolpho!”

A young, hunky guy walks into the room, his shirt halfway unbuttoned.

RUDOLPHO: “Hey.”

Kaitlyn gets up and joins Rudolpho. Michael, half-naked, stumbles after her.

KAITLYN: “You’re a sweet guy, but ever since we’ve known each other, we’ve been doing the same thing, day in and day out. I need something more. Something exciting. While I still can.”
MICHAEL: “But…I don’t…”

A judge comes in, holding a gavel.

JUDGE: “All rise. Let’s see…she gets half. [Judge bangs gavel on table] Case dismissed. Judge exits room]

Two MOVERS come in, lift couch, and remove it from room. Rudolpho grabs a lamp and leaves.

MICHAEL: “Hey! That’s my couch. Right?”

KAITLYN walks towards exit and turns around before leaving.

KAITLYN: “I’ll always remember our first date.” [exits]

Michael is alone, still in shock. He looks around in confusion for a moment, then, in a daze, sits down where his couch used to be and turns on the T.V.

VO: “Looking for your soul mate? Date Match can help you out. We’ve been helping singles find their true love for over 20 years. Call 1-800-555-LOVE for a free consultation.”

MICHAEL thinks about the offer for a few seconds, and then makes a “Why not?” shrug.

PHONE VO: “Welcome to Date Match. How can I help you?”