June 9, 2007 at 2:36 pm
· Filed under news headlines
Man accused in Letterman kidnap plot escapes from prison
Top Ten reasons to improve prison security…
Dinosaurs Died Agonizing Deaths
Yay! The front page of Yahoo has all the kid-friendly articles.
Shuttle Atlantis Chasing Space Station
Hey, have you seen my space wallet? I could of sworn I tethered it to the table. I don’t know, nothing. I checked the instruments, Space Station came over to visit, and ….SPACE STATION! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!
The Battle of the Grills
This is false advertising by The Washington Post. I had every reason to think this article was about rappers.
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June 9, 2007 at 2:35 pm
· Filed under celebrity
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June 9, 2007 at 1:50 am
· Filed under celebrity, current events, sketch, tiffany
A reenactment of the past week:
SHERIFF: “Do you want to finish your sentence at home?”
PARIS: “Really?”
SHERIFF: “Sure. Three days in jail is enough. You can do the other 42 days as home arrest.”
PARIS: “Thank you so much!”
Paris goes home. A few hours later, the Sheriff’s phone rings:
SHERIFF: “Hey.”
JUDGE: “Did she buy it?”
SHERIFF: “Oh, yeah. It was hilarious. Her face lit right up.”
JUDGE: [laughing]: “Oh my God. This is going to be great. Get one of your guys to bring her to the courthouse. Tell her the judge needs to speak with her for a few minutes. Tell her it won’t take long, and to leave her things.”
SHERIFF: “This is so wrong.”
JUDGE: “I know. Isn’t it awesome?”
At the courthouse:
JUDGE: “Paris, I have some bad news. We’re putting you back in jail. Right now.”
PARIS: “What? But he said I could do my sentence at home!”
JUDGE: “Lee, did you tell Paris she could serve her sentence in her house?”
SHERIFF: “Don’t believe I did, Mike.”
PARIS: “You liar! Yes you did!”
SHERIFF: “Hold on a second. Let me think.” [Sheriff strokes his chin slowly.] “Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Wait, yes! Yes!”
PARIS: “You remember?”
SHERIFF: “I remember that ‘The Simple Life’ sucked. Now get your scrawny ass back in your cell, bitch.”
JUDGE: “Oh! Smoked!”
[SHERRIF + JUDGE give each other a high-five. An officer shakes his head and escorts PARIS out the courthouse.]
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