April 6, 2005 at 4:27 pm
· Filed under current events
Over a million people have waited in line to see the body of Pope John Paul II. The current wait is 24 hours. Italian officials are going to stop new people from entering the line tonight. A few questions.
1. Who’s going to be the last person in line? The last ordinary person ever to see his body lying in repose.
1a. Does she get a T-shirt?
2. Who’s going to be the first person to be cut off from seeing the Pope? The person who’s going to have the velvet rope strung in front of him by a burly security guard. “Sorry, no Pope for you.”
2a. Is that person going to convert to Judiasm?
3. How many hell points do you get if you cut in line?
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April 6, 2005 at 12:34 am
· Filed under sketch
I may explain the genesis for this post at a later date, but for now, the important part is that this is an excerpt of an Austin Powers parody made with sock puppets.
Austin Powers 4: Gold Toe
SON: Dad! Austin Powers has discovered the compound. He’s heading this way.
GOLD TOE: Don’t worry. He vill never get pass our security system. Vatch the monitor. Security on!
Suspenseful music plays as we see the menacing, dark enclave that guards the entrance to Gold Toe’s lair. The music crescendos, and a single laser turns on.
SON: That’s it? One laser?
GOLD TOE: That is just the beginning. Ven Powers trips the laser, a grate holding 100 tons of molten lava vill–
SON: If Powers trips the laser. What if he doesn’t trip it?
GOLD TOE: Vell, how vould he do that? It is right by his knees.
SON: I don’t know. He trips and stumbles over it? He’s in a good mood and decides to gallop the way here?
GOLD TOE: Please. Nobody gallops anymore.
SON: That’s not the point. The point is you spent 10 million dollars on a security system with one laser.
GOLD TOE: Don’t be absurd. The system has over four dozen lasers.
SON: Then why aren’t you turning them on?
GOLD TOE: [sarcastic] Oh, yes. Vhat a good idea. I vill turn on all the lasers. Next, I vill open all the vindows with the air conditioning on. Oh, I am thirsty. I vill get a soda from the fridge. No, no reason to close the door. Father Gold Toe vill pay the bill.
SON: Dad, that’s not fair.
GOLD TOE: Do you know how much it costs to run a laser? Do I vork for the electric company?
SON: Well, actually, yes, you do. You took them over an hour ago.
GOLD TOE: Oh. I…well…okay, you got me there. Turn on the rest of lasers!
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