Archive for November, 2003
Tonight on Leno
I watched Leno for a few minutes tonight. A woman from Sea World was on with a brigade of furry, cute animals. One of them looked like a cross between a raccoon and a koala. This isn’t a word-for-word transcript of what Jay said, but it’s very close:
LENO [animal crawling of his shoulder]: “Now, I noticed they have very soft fur. Is that why they’re endangered, because of their fur?”
WOMAN “Actually, it’s because they only live in the forests in Madagascar, and 90 percent of their habitat has been destroyed.”
LENO: “Do they make good house pets?”
WOMAN: [stunned pause] “Um, no. They’re an endangered animal. There are only 1,000 of them left.”
Coincidence
I Love You Too, Jjhleftbbuutbb
I got some unexpected good news today. A young vixen, Jjhleftbbuutbb (French?), wants to go out with me. We’ve never met, but I think she is attracted to the sly underscore in my email address. John Dvorak says it’s like a feather in a pimp’s cap.
Jjh-Lo loves camping, 4-wheelers, rollerblading, swimming, BBQs, road trips, Cedar Point, etc. My heart skipped when I read her words. I love road trips in my 4-wheelers to Cedar Point. And who knows what etc. means? I hope it means “buying my boyfriend video games and having a sexy, gay brother.”
The downside is that she seem a little desperate. “If i match somthing [sic] you want just come and talk [sic] to me on the site.” (lovinggoneright.com). And she’s “ALWAYS laughing/smiling” which, if you think about it, would get creepy real fast. Especially at funerals.
Joe Millionaire 2
A story on Joe Millionaire 2’s low ratings led me to the show’s message boards, where tens of people analyzed the shocking ending:
(courtesy of JOHNNYF10)
It was amazing how happy David was when the butler gave him his own house.
He is a simple man, a cowboy who just want’s to be left alone on his ranch.
But he really wanted a girlfriend because, as much as he loves his horse and dog, he could not develop a deep enough relationship with them to find happiness.
Now he has Linda to ride on the horse with him.
It’s like a fairytale.
The end.
Does anyone know what this is?
I found it on a mountain yesterday. It’s an inch tall.
A Joke for Obsessive Compulsive Mini Page Readers
Q: What’s cooler than being cool?
A: Ice cold!
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.
About the lack of comedy recently
It’s due to a mix of motivation and being busier than usual. I’ve spent most of my creative energies the past several days on a small freelance assignment. I’ll tell you what it is once it gets approved.
Yes, that’s a ton of lettuce
* One of the Washington Post’s most loved and hated columnists is Leving. (I have a few friends who are now crying with joy.)
* Howard Kurtz’s response to my question in his chat today:
Arlington, Va.: I disagree with your analysis on the Weekly Standard story about the supposed bin Laden-Hussein connection. I think the real reason this story hasn’t got much attention is because Bush, Cheney, Rice and Rumsfeld, who in the past have willingly sighted specious evidence to support various claims on Iraq, haven’t said: “See? This proves our case.”
That’s an important mark of whether a story like this has any meat in it (and it’s one that doesn’t require journalists to do extensive analysis of the info in the memo and risk getting fooled again). If there was new information in this story that could be supported after a rigorous analysis, wouldn’t the Bush administration seize upon it, especially considering they’ve promoted flimsier evidence in the past? Has any major Republican leader, or non-partisan leader of the intelligence community, supported the claims of this story?
Howard Kurtz: In fact, the Defense Department disputed the notion that there was new and conclusive evidence here. But it’s certainly worthy of media debate. This was, after all, a previously undisclosed administration memo on a controversial subject to which the press has devoted acres of type during the whole Saddam/9-11/uranium/WMD/terrorism debate. As I mentioned in today’s column, the NYT and WP did come around to doing more substantive analyses of the memo obtained by the Standard.
Opus Returns
The first of Berkeley Breathed’s “Opus” appears this Sunday. His chat today with the Washington Post is great.
This is one of the best Tom the Dancing Bugs ever. Yeah, you have to watch an ad to read it. Suck it up.
“Leaders of the al Qaeda terrorist network have franchised their organization’s brand of synchronized, devastating violence to homegrown terrorist groups across the world, posing a formidable new challenge to counterterrorism forces, according to intelligence analysts and experts in the United States, Europe and the Arab world.”
Great. Now they’re McQaeda. Who’s their new leader, the Hamburgler?
The Massachusetts Ruling
From a Washington Post online chat today with Renee Landers, president of the Boston Bar Association:
“washingtonpost.com: Renee Landers, thank you for being with us today. Please explain what comes next now that the Massachusetts Supreme Court has ruled against the state ban on same-sex marriage.
Renee Landers: The Supreme Judicial Court’s opinion essentially gives the legislature 180 days to enact amendments to Massachusetts statutes that would give effect to the court’s opinion, that is, to recognize marriage in order to eliminate discriminations that attach to couples who are not permitted to marry. If the legislature does not enact appropriate amendments to the statutes within that time period, the Superior Court(the state trial court) would have the ability to enter an order implementing the SJC opinion. After 180 days, as a result of either legislative action or an order by the Superior Court, marriage licenses should begin to be granted to same-sex couples.
Another possibility would be for the legislature to begin the lengthy process for amending the state constitution to overrule the court’s opinion. The process for amending the constitution calls for two successive legislatures to vote favorably on an amendment and for that amendment to be submitted to the voters after the legislative action is completed. At a minimum, this process takes 3 years. The earliest such an amendment could appear on the state ballot would be November 2006.”
***
She gives a good summary of the ruling’s effects. From what I understand, gay marriage will be legally recognized in Massachusetts within 180 days, either by the legislature’s hand or the courts’. Making Massachusetts the first state to do so.
Massachusetts court rules ban on gay marriage unconstitutional
In its ruling, the Massachusetts court said the state “failed to identify any constitutionally adequate reason for denying civil marriage to same-sex couples.”
Attention all evangelical preachers: you cannot stop the gay cabal. First, we’re going to gain the right to marry one another. Then, we’re going to marry multiple partners–
Oh, you already did that? Well, um…I know! Ooh, this is good. We’re going to have babies. Lots of babies. Surrogate mothers, artificial insemination–any way we can. Then, with each cute, innocent male baby, we’re going to grab the baby’s penis and chop off–
What? God damn it. Okay, this one will make your skin crawl. We’ll say all these platitudes about wanting to honor each other and having our relationships legally recognized. But the minute gay people get the right to marry, one out of four of us–nay, one out of two–are going to get divorced, dealing a crushing blow to the shaky institution of–
Jesus H. Christ. What do we have to do, marry dogs?
