I finished my taxes today. I was going to wait until 11:59 P.M., strap a tape recorder playing “Mission Impossible” to the chest of my black jumpsuit, and throw a few smoke bombs as I burst through the Post Office window and past the line of stupefied civvies. But I decided to forgo the excitement this year and mail it early (4:30 P.M.).

Best unexpected good news this week: I found out yesterday that I don’t have to file my taxes in Virginia until May 1. See ya in 15 days, suckas!