I was about to write a fake news story for that headline, but then I got this gut feeling that I saw it on The Onion a few years ago and it wasn’t my idea. I don’t know why, but ever since I started writing comedy I often doubt the originality of my ideas after the excitement of thinking of it dies down. Anxiety and a poor memory is a bad combination.
A few years ago, Dave Chappelle came to the Lincoln Theater in D.C. to film a comedy special for HBO. I’ve never seen “Killin Them Softly” but after listening to it over two dozen times (so far), I . It’s perhaps the best comedy performance in the past five years.
I figured out how to bring the Pentagon’s global warming report into the U.S. news media stream. Put Gene Weingarten on it. Okay, he hasn’t answered the questions below (yet!) but I’m sure he will.
Hi Gene,
A nutty organization did a study recently that said that climate change is a far worse problem than terrorism, and it may wreak catastrophic havoc in twenty years from now. Okay, the nutty organization is the Pentagon, and the defense chiefs covered it up until it was leaked to the British press a few days ago. A few questions:
1. Does The Washington Post feel snubbed? You guys are in the Pentagon’s back yard. A mere RPG launch away. Britain is a whole MX-80 away! And that’s assuming the SDR satellite system holds up for the transatlantic flight. What ever happened to taking care of your home dogs?
2. Um, why isn’t the U.S. news media talking about this? It’s like going in for an oil change and finding out your car may spontaneously combust in the next year. “But did you change the oil?”
3. I apologize in advance if you post this question. I made the missile and satellite system names up, and I am sure you will make many emails about how you post an email from someone so stupid as to not know the difference between an MX-80 and a IBM-45x, jackass. You don’t have to take their criticism for me, although I would like to mention I am a home dog.
3a. Same thing for the IBM-45x. I think it’s the name of the first computer I bought, 20 years ago. “Now with more ‘X’ power!”
4. WHY IS NO ONE IN THE U.S. MEDIA TALKING ABOUT THIS?!!!!
I’ve heard so many people claim CBS rejected the liberal organization Moveon.org’s ad because the network is run by a conservative corporation that I want to set the record straight. CBS doesn’t run ads from political organizations during the Super Bowl. That’s it. Remember that ad criticizing Congress for their vote for more gun control last year? Me neither. That’s because CBS doesn’t run ads from political organizations during the Super Bowl.
It’s a dumb policy, especially considering that they’ll run ads about not smoking, men getting kicked in the crotch, and horses exuding fire-lit farts at people, but it’s consistent. (If I’m wrong, let me know.)
Two weeks ago, a few inmates at an Arizona prison took a female and male corrections officer hostage. The stand-off ended today.
In the meantime, I happened to read three or four articles with brief updates about the situation. It struck me as odd that none of the articles, including the most recent one, mentions what the inmates wanted, or why they took the officers hostage in the first place. That’s just basic reporting. Even if the demands of the inmates aren’t known, one would still expect a sentence or two along the lines of “the prisoners have made no demands” or “Chief Police Dude passed on commenting on the prisoners’ demands.”
Who, what, when, where, why. Did the reporter doze off before reaching the end of the journalistic mantra? The absence of the why in this story is glaringly conspicous.
